Technorati Profile
MRT Stereotypes
Three times every week (including today), I am in turns amused and pissed off (again including today, which puts me in a pissy mood) by people I meet and observe on our local MRTs. Allow me to introduce:
1) The Kiasus (Scale of Irritation - 9/10, Scale of Entertainment - 9/10)
These bunch of people usually comprises aunties and uncles, whose motto is "Die die must get a seat on the train", and who will therefore force their way to the middle of the yellow restricted area when a train approaches. Nevermind that some other Kiasu is already standing there or that they obstruct outcoming commuters. When they don't immediately land a seat, the Kiasus will skillfully scope out somebody who looks as if they'll alight soon, and plonk themselves at a strategic location so that they can swoop to the empty seat in the shortest time possible. Try a 6.30 am train trip, and you'll see these Kiasus at work around school kids who have seats, knowing that those who don certain uniforms are due to alight soon. It is ALWAYS entertaining to thwart their efforts. When you're alighting a train, it's fun to make sure that the Kiasus get blocked by your lumbering body as you bash your bags against them. On crowded trains, compete with them for the seats, and proceed to stare boldly at them when you win, because otherwise they'll cast the evil eye on you.
2) The Nodders (Scale of Irritation - 8/10, Scale of Entertainment - 1/10)
The Nodders are an insidious bunch of seated commuters who doze their way through a train journey. Some are Straight Nodders, while the majority are Left or Right Nodders. Having a dozing person smack their head on your assorted body parts is no fun at all, especially if you cannot decide whether to employ evasive action, wake the Nodder up, or to take it like a man. So where's the entertainment in this? Solely when you're not the victim of a Nodder, and are enjoying the sights of irritated commuters dodging their attacks. Try getting them to give up their seats to you. Snicker.
3) The Newspaper Reader (Scale of Irritation - 6/10, Scale of Entertainment - 4/10)
The Newspaper Reader often appears in the mornings. They are armed either with freesheet Today or the assorted daily like Straits Times or Lian He Zao Bao. Whether or not they are seated, they will claim a large airspace in front of their thoracic cavity as a no man's land, as they spread their papers to read. Those seated will take up 1/4 of the airspace of those around him, especially if it's the bigger sized daily that he is reading. Sitting beside these people can nonetheless be entertaining, if you openly read his paper together with him. You can also try to hurry him along if his reading speed is too slow, or laugh uproariously from time to time just to irritate the Newspaper Reader. (Biz Times: STI closes 10% lower - You: Wah ha ha ha!)
4) The Wannabe Seniors (Scale of Irritation - 8/10, Scale of Entertainment - 6/10)
These aunties and uncles are typically between 45 and 60. During normal conversations, you might insult them mortally if you suggested or implied that they are senior citizens, because they don't think they're all that old. Unfortunately, they often suffer amnesia when they get on trains. Decked out in what they perceive to be fashionable clothes, with their hair nicely permed, they will nonetheless attempt to seek out an empty seat. When they fail to land one, they'll resort to pouting in front of the "special" seat with that "give up your seat, loser" sign, conveniently forgetting that doing so is a 180 degree reversal of their "never say old" policy. They will desperately swoop to any empty seats during stops, and make no qualms about their frustration when failing to land one. You know how to entertain yourself with this one.
5) The Studious (Scale of Irritation - 4/10, Scale of Entertainment - 0/10)
The Studious will immediately flip out a book and proceed to glue their face to its pages, whether or not they are seated. Until they reach their stop, these people will exhibit no awareness of their surroundings, as if they've entered a zen state. They may move only to sit down in an empty seat. Irritation comes only when you realize that they are reading Advance Theory on Networks Optimization for Unreliable Transport Protocols, and that you'll probably lose your first class honors to people like them. Another variant is the Wannabe Studious. Unlike the Studious, wannabes are usually desperately trying to finish their homework on trains. They deserve our pity, so try not to jolt their pens too hard if you want to have fun with them.
6) The Havoks (Scale of Irritation - 8/10, Scale of Entertainment - 2/10)
These are invariably Malay males. They usually appear in groups, and take up one section of the train cabin. They dress like Hell's Angels and probably have body piercings in nooks and crannies I didn't know existed. Sometimes, they may be accompanied by loud, blaring radios that blast out hip-hop or metal music, and they're completely oblivious to frigid stares from those around them. The only fun you can get is to groove to their music, which incidentally will reduce your IQ by a scale of 200. Alternatively, invoke the extreme ire of those around you by getting them to crank up the volume even higher.
7) The Pinickers (Scale of Irritation - 6/10, Scale of Entertainment - 6/10)
Pinickers will totally ignore the No Food rule on trains, and munch on anything from snacks to full McDonald's meals. They don't appear often, but usually tend to be idiotic school kids trying to silently persuade the gahmen to reverse its pro childbirth policies. It's always entertaining to give them a dressing down and promising that you'll report them to SMRT if they do not cease and desist. I mean, those around them don't deserved to be tantalized by all that yummy food do they? Inconsiderate brats... Alternatively, if you possess the skin of a rhino, you could persuade them to share some food with you on pain of that whopper of a $500 fine.
8) The Schoolgirls (Scale of Irritation - 4/10, Scale of Entertainment - 7/10)
The Schoolgirls almost always appear in groups of three and above. It's as if there's a natural law stating that the volume of girls will multiply exponentially when they gather in numbers above two. They will crack bawdy jokes, poke fun at absent boys, compare idols, rant about their heartless teachers or parents, complain that they've only managed to get 30 bags of clothes at the latest sale etc. Basically, by the time either they or you alight, you feel as if you've sat through 5 episodes of soap drama. Since you cannot hope to edge in a word, the only fun you can get is to stare lecherously at them. It works best if you're an old man with a saliva problem. (Scratch your groin while you're at it. Works wonders.)
9) The Technogeeks (Scale of Irritation - 3/10, Scale of Entertainment - 4/10)
When I'm in a pissy mood (like today), I call these people Showoffs. They'll whip out their PDA, laptops or other high tech equipment and proceed to demonstrate the power of their gadgets to those around them. The worst of these juggle two to three gadgets together, and makes you think that they are attempting to single-handedly perpetuate the poverty divide in Singapore. Really ah, some people... Salary too high. Come, come, donate some to me:
1) The Kiasus (Scale of Irritation - 9/10, Scale of Entertainment - 9/10)
These bunch of people usually comprises aunties and uncles, whose motto is "Die die must get a seat on the train", and who will therefore force their way to the middle of the yellow restricted area when a train approaches. Nevermind that some other Kiasu is already standing there or that they obstruct outcoming commuters. When they don't immediately land a seat, the Kiasus will skillfully scope out somebody who looks as if they'll alight soon, and plonk themselves at a strategic location so that they can swoop to the empty seat in the shortest time possible. Try a 6.30 am train trip, and you'll see these Kiasus at work around school kids who have seats, knowing that those who don certain uniforms are due to alight soon. It is ALWAYS entertaining to thwart their efforts. When you're alighting a train, it's fun to make sure that the Kiasus get blocked by your lumbering body as you bash your bags against them. On crowded trains, compete with them for the seats, and proceed to stare boldly at them when you win, because otherwise they'll cast the evil eye on you.
2) The Nodders (Scale of Irritation - 8/10, Scale of Entertainment - 1/10)
The Nodders are an insidious bunch of seated commuters who doze their way through a train journey. Some are Straight Nodders, while the majority are Left or Right Nodders. Having a dozing person smack their head on your assorted body parts is no fun at all, especially if you cannot decide whether to employ evasive action, wake the Nodder up, or to take it like a man. So where's the entertainment in this? Solely when you're not the victim of a Nodder, and are enjoying the sights of irritated commuters dodging their attacks. Try getting them to give up their seats to you. Snicker.
3) The Newspaper Reader (Scale of Irritation - 6/10, Scale of Entertainment - 4/10)
The Newspaper Reader often appears in the mornings. They are armed either with freesheet Today or the assorted daily like Straits Times or Lian He Zao Bao. Whether or not they are seated, they will claim a large airspace in front of their thoracic cavity as a no man's land, as they spread their papers to read. Those seated will take up 1/4 of the airspace of those around him, especially if it's the bigger sized daily that he is reading. Sitting beside these people can nonetheless be entertaining, if you openly read his paper together with him. You can also try to hurry him along if his reading speed is too slow, or laugh uproariously from time to time just to irritate the Newspaper Reader. (Biz Times: STI closes 10% lower - You: Wah ha ha ha!)
4) The Wannabe Seniors (Scale of Irritation - 8/10, Scale of Entertainment - 6/10)
These aunties and uncles are typically between 45 and 60. During normal conversations, you might insult them mortally if you suggested or implied that they are senior citizens, because they don't think they're all that old. Unfortunately, they often suffer amnesia when they get on trains. Decked out in what they perceive to be fashionable clothes, with their hair nicely permed, they will nonetheless attempt to seek out an empty seat. When they fail to land one, they'll resort to pouting in front of the "special" seat with that "give up your seat, loser" sign, conveniently forgetting that doing so is a 180 degree reversal of their "never say old" policy. They will desperately swoop to any empty seats during stops, and make no qualms about their frustration when failing to land one. You know how to entertain yourself with this one.
5) The Studious (Scale of Irritation - 4/10, Scale of Entertainment - 0/10)
The Studious will immediately flip out a book and proceed to glue their face to its pages, whether or not they are seated. Until they reach their stop, these people will exhibit no awareness of their surroundings, as if they've entered a zen state. They may move only to sit down in an empty seat. Irritation comes only when you realize that they are reading Advance Theory on Networks Optimization for Unreliable Transport Protocols, and that you'll probably lose your first class honors to people like them. Another variant is the Wannabe Studious. Unlike the Studious, wannabes are usually desperately trying to finish their homework on trains. They deserve our pity, so try not to jolt their pens too hard if you want to have fun with them.
6) The Havoks (Scale of Irritation - 8/10, Scale of Entertainment - 2/10)
These are invariably Malay males. They usually appear in groups, and take up one section of the train cabin. They dress like Hell's Angels and probably have body piercings in nooks and crannies I didn't know existed. Sometimes, they may be accompanied by loud, blaring radios that blast out hip-hop or metal music, and they're completely oblivious to frigid stares from those around them. The only fun you can get is to groove to their music, which incidentally will reduce your IQ by a scale of 200. Alternatively, invoke the extreme ire of those around you by getting them to crank up the volume even higher.
7) The Pinickers (Scale of Irritation - 6/10, Scale of Entertainment - 6/10)
Pinickers will totally ignore the No Food rule on trains, and munch on anything from snacks to full McDonald's meals. They don't appear often, but usually tend to be idiotic school kids trying to silently persuade the gahmen to reverse its pro childbirth policies. It's always entertaining to give them a dressing down and promising that you'll report them to SMRT if they do not cease and desist. I mean, those around them don't deserved to be tantalized by all that yummy food do they? Inconsiderate brats... Alternatively, if you possess the skin of a rhino, you could persuade them to share some food with you on pain of that whopper of a $500 fine.
8) The Schoolgirls (Scale of Irritation - 4/10, Scale of Entertainment - 7/10)
The Schoolgirls almost always appear in groups of three and above. It's as if there's a natural law stating that the volume of girls will multiply exponentially when they gather in numbers above two. They will crack bawdy jokes, poke fun at absent boys, compare idols, rant about their heartless teachers or parents, complain that they've only managed to get 30 bags of clothes at the latest sale etc. Basically, by the time either they or you alight, you feel as if you've sat through 5 episodes of soap drama. Since you cannot hope to edge in a word, the only fun you can get is to stare lecherously at them. It works best if you're an old man with a saliva problem. (Scratch your groin while you're at it. Works wonders.)
9) The Technogeeks (Scale of Irritation - 3/10, Scale of Entertainment - 4/10)
When I'm in a pissy mood (like today), I call these people Showoffs. They'll whip out their PDA, laptops or other high tech equipment and proceed to demonstrate the power of their gadgets to those around them. The worst of these juggle two to three gadgets together, and makes you think that they are attempting to single-handedly perpetuate the poverty divide in Singapore. Really ah, some people... Salary too high. Come, come, donate some to me:
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