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Internship Preparations v1.1
Internship interviews are just round the corner. Like any bloke, I get nervous at the prospect of facing a panel (note the resemblance to "penal") of interviewers. This year, since I've taken to blogging more seriously, I've decided to keep a running list of interview questions, with replies that will hopefully NOT make me blurt out in laughter during the actual interviews.
Anybody else has common questions? The list so far (the links work!):
1) What are your strengths?
1) What are your strengths?
- I am equally good at dissecting an algorithm as I am dissecting a poem. (I don't do both that well... so equally good might be contentious. Not a lie exactly. Mere technicality.)
- I am a fantastic mole who can spy and report on all company gossip. My last immediate boss loved me until I rat on him to the CEO.
- I can sit here and tell you what brand of underwear suits you, because I've been trained since Primary School to imagine all figures of authority naked. All of you are very sexy by the way.
- I am a very principled, punctual and motivated fast-learner who is driven to excel. (Dictionary: Principled - won't bring work home. Punctual - leaves office at the dot. Motivated: will jump ship at first better offer. Fast-learner: I ape others wholesale and call it learning. Driven to excel: will backstab for promotion.) (^)
2) What are your weaknesses?
- I have none. There are some rumours out there that I am Superman incarnate. That is incorrect. Sissy Superman is scared of Kryponite. No green stuff is going to get me down. (Add a confident smile here to charm them.)
- I like Barney the Dinosaur. I think he's cooler than the Teletubbies. But my nephew says I am stupid, because the Telebubbies can send Barney back to the jurassic age where he belongs. I told him that Barney is way stronger than that, and no singing tubs of lard will ever.... I'm sorry? I can go now? But I'm not done!
- I cannot lie to you guys. I have no weakness. Others will try to impress you with their amazing self-knowledge, or try to distract you by rewording strengths as weaknesses (I'm hardworking = I need to rebalance my social life). That's just bull. I'm straight with you guys. Just like Simon Cowell on American Idol. Props to me yah? (^)
3) Where do you see your place in the company three years down the road?
- I see myself usurping the current CEO of his post. The board of directors will pay me 4 times his salary.
- The office janitor. I'm humble that way, you see.
- Erm. Three years? I can't even plan three days down the road. This is a trick question right? (Hopeful look)
- I'll be your boss. So you'd better be nice to me now. I'll definitely remember it later.
- Prosecution witness, for the Commercial Affairs Department. (^)
4) Why do you think this company should hire you?
- Hey, not my loss, so chill. Call me when you finally realize the answer to that. (Saunter out of the room, Hugo Boss style.)
- Why not? Do you have something against Chinese males? (Expectant look/ Stare them down.)
- Because otherwise no one else will and I'll have to take up basking outside of Tampines MRT station. Because I'm a lousy entertainer, someone will call the police. The police will come and throw me into jail for illegal basking, and I'll have to go to court. I'll have to get my lawyer friends (and I got at least two, so don't play play) to represent me. Then I'll be acquited after some long trials. By then school will have started but I will have no money leftover for school fees. I'll have to bug the lecturers and administrators everyday so that I can remain in NUS, because I love school so damn much. (Deep breath) Now do you see why you have to hire me? (^)
Questions 5-7 taken off IDA scholarship application, of which I am interested, trying out for and do not stand a chance. Also known as "How to lose that scholarship."
5) What are your goals and how do you plan to achieve them?
- To have my World of Warcraft character reach level 99. I'll misuse company resources duing working hours to make sure I get there.
- To retire by age 35, using the E3 technique. That's extortion, espionage and embezzelment.
- To invent a worldwide network accessible by millions of intelligent machines, so that everyone can share information and- what? Have I heard of the Internet? No. Is it edible? (^)
6) What is the type of organization and work you would be interested in?
- Allow me to be succinct and specific: Microsoft; Billy's position will be fine. (^)
7) Share with us some events in your life where you had to make an important decision and how you arrived at that position and why?
- Well, December last year, I had to make a reeaaally tough choice. It was something that would have directly affected at least the next 2 years of my life! Should I get a PS2 or XBox? See, I like lots of games on PS2 but XBox seems to have better capabilities. I also had to take into consideration which firm will come out with the next generation of console! What a tough choice. In the end, I took a bus and arrived at Tampines Mall, and got a XBox instead of PS2, cuz I think the black body goes with the green logo very well! What do you think? (^)
Anybody else has common questions? The list so far (the links work!):
1) What are your strengths?
5) What are your goals and how do you plan to achieve them? *
6) What is the type of organization and work you would be interested in? *
7) Share with us some events in your life where you had to make an important decision and how you arrived at that position and why? *
6) What is the type of organization and work you would be interested in? *
7) Share with us some events in your life where you had to make an important decision and how you arrived at that position and why? *
* new to this version
# updated in this version
Click (^) to arrive back here
____________________________________________________
1) What are your strengths?
- I am equally good at dissecting an algorithm as I am dissecting a poem. (I don't do both that well... so equally good might be contentious. Not a lie exactly. Mere technicality.)
- I am a fantastic mole who can spy and report on all company gossip. My last immediate boss loved me until I rat on him to the CEO.
- I can sit here and tell you what brand of underwear suits you, because I've been trained since Primary School to imagine all figures of authority naked. All of you are very sexy by the way.
- I am a very principled, punctual and motivated fast-learner who is driven to excel. (Dictionary: Principled - won't bring work home. Punctual - leaves office at the dot. Motivated: will jump ship at first better offer. Fast-learner: I ape others wholesale and call it learning. Driven to excel: will backstab for promotion.) (^)
2) What are your weaknesses?
- I have none. There are some rumours out there that I am Superman incarnate. That is incorrect. Sissy Superman is scared of Kryponite. No green stuff is going to get me down. (Add a confident smile here to charm them.)
- I like Barney the Dinosaur. I think he's cooler than the Teletubbies. But my nephew says I am stupid, because the Telebubbies can send Barney back to the jurassic age where he belongs. I told him that Barney is way stronger than that, and no singing tubs of lard will ever.... I'm sorry? I can go now? But I'm not done!
- I cannot lie to you guys. I have no weakness. Others will try to impress you with their amazing self-knowledge, or try to distract you by rewording strengths as weaknesses (I'm hardworking = I need to rebalance my social life). That's just bull. I'm straight with you guys. Just like Simon Cowell on American Idol. Props to me yah? (^)
3) Where do you see your place in the company three years down the road?
- I see myself usurping the current CEO of his post. The board of directors will pay me 4 times his salary.
- The office janitor. I'm humble that way, you see.
- Erm. Three years? I can't even plan three days down the road. This is a trick question right? (Hopeful look)
- I'll be your boss. So you'd better be nice to me now. I'll definitely remember it later.
- Prosecution witness, for the Commercial Affairs Department. (^)
4) Why do you think this company should hire you?
- Hey, not my loss, so chill. Call me when you finally realize the answer to that. (Saunter out of the room, Hugo Boss style.)
- Why not? Do you have something against Chinese males? (Expectant look/ Stare them down.)
- Because otherwise no one else will and I'll have to take up basking outside of Tampines MRT station. Because I'm a lousy entertainer, someone will call the police. The police will come and throw me into jail for illegal basking, and I'll have to go to court. I'll have to get my lawyer friends (and I got at least two, so don't play play) to represent me. Then I'll be acquited after some long trials. By then school will have started but I will have no money leftover for school fees. I'll have to bug the lecturers and administrators everyday so that I can remain in NUS, because I love school so damn much. (Deep breath) Now do you see why you have to hire me? (^)
Questions 5-7 taken off IDA scholarship application, of which I am interested, trying out for and do not stand a chance. Also known as "How to lose that scholarship."
5) What are your goals and how do you plan to achieve them?
- To have my World of Warcraft character reach level 99. I'll misuse company resources duing working hours to make sure I get there.
- To retire by age 35, using the E3 technique. That's extortion, espionage and embezzelment.
- To invent a worldwide network accessible by millions of intelligent machines, so that everyone can share information and- what? Have I heard of the Internet? No. Is it edible? (^)
6) What is the type of organization and work you would be interested in?
- Allow me to be succinct and specific: Microsoft; Billy's position will be fine. (^)
7) Share with us some events in your life where you had to make an important decision and how you arrived at that position and why?
- Well, December last year, I had to make a reeaaally tough choice. It was something that would have directly affected at least the next 2 years of my life! Should I get a PS2 or XBox? See, I like lots of games on PS2 but XBox seems to have better capabilities. I also had to take into consideration which firm will come out with the next generation of console! What a tough choice. In the end, I took a bus and arrived at Tampines Mall, and got a XBox instead of PS2, cuz I think the black body goes with the green logo very well! What do you think? (^)
Version History:
1.0 ----- 7th March 2005
1.1 ----- 10th March 2005
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