Zoe Tay has given birth lately. I know her son's birthdate, time of birth and weight at birth. I know her son's name (What kind of a name is "Brayden" anyway? Donkeys bray. So that makes Brayden a compound word for a den/ lair/ burrow of donkeys. How odd.), what milk formula he'll be drinking, and for how long he'll feed on breast milk instead. If I find myself inclined to do so, I can watch Channel 8 and learn what pram he'll use, what diapers will fit him best and what brand of toys he'll play with, because Zoe has her own pregnancy programme. I am convinced that when Brayden grows up, I'll know what brand of underwear he buys, what his feet size is, what his IQ level is, who is the hairdresser who trims his hair, and maybe even how high his sperm count is.

It would appear we are a nation which loves their celebrities. Little Brayden, being no more than 2 weeks old, has already received as much media coverage as the 2005 Budget. I have nothing against the tot, mind you, and neither am I a Zoe-hater. It's just that I find it unreasonable that her pregnancy should warrant so much attention. Even babies who belong to the exclusive 2.1 babies club that our government put on a pedestal don't receive so much attention. Neither do the first babies born on the Lunar and International New Year respectively grab so much limelight. From all the coverage he has received, you'd have thought that Brayden is a blue-skinned mutant who has six arms and five legs.

And has anyone else caught the slimming ads on TV? "Get a slimmer looking tummy!" (Which, by the way, is ridiculous as promises go. Why should the tummy merely look slimmer? Maybe the pills must be accompanied by a violent inhalation of air to work. And even then only for as long as you can hold your breath.) Who do they have for endorsement? Fann Wong, Christopher Lee and Michelle Chong. Honestly, they couldn't have picked skinnier celebrities if they tried. These three look like they could use some weight gain medicine instead of slimming pills. If anything however, the trio's acting skills are really fantastic. Anyone who can start off skinny as chopsticks and say that they've lost soooo many inches off their waist with a straight face, on national TV, deserves an Oscar award. Hilary babe and Foxx, move over for the stars of Caldecott Hill. Maybe they'll have time to attend the ceremony when they're not busy shooting commercials and lying through their pretty little teeth.

If Channel 5 and Channel 8 are pay-to-view channels, I wonder how many Singaporeans will actually pay for them and support local "stars". Sometimes, I really think that their celebrity status is intricately engineered. This makes Mediacorp and SPH the next major social engineers after the gov-coff coff-'ment. Scary.