Dear readers, Before you read on, know that this long story is an ongoing one, and the jury is still out on what its moral is, if it has one at all.

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A long long time ago, in an age of farming and agriculture, there lived a farmer called Farmer Jones. Farmer Jones had a small farm, and his farm was surrounded by other huge farms. However, Farmer Jones' farm was better than neighbouring farms. It was more modern, had more cows, high quality hay and farmhands. More importantly, Farmer Jones had a Golden Cow. This Golden Cow could produce the milkiest milk among all the other farms. Farmer Jones was very proud of this Golden Cow, and relied on it to make sure that his farm was ahead of the neighbouring farms.

Now, although the other farmers were jealous, they didn't just sit there and watch the world go by. The other farmers bought in a new type of milking machine, called CSN2000, into their own farms. CSN2000 could milk their cows very hard and very fast, and even bestowed new teats on their cows, hence producing more milk. Using CSN2000, these farmers aimed to lure faraway farmers and farmhands to milk their cows for them, while the farmers kept the milk! (Why would anyone touch the disgusting teats and give up the milk? Because the new teats were so unique that the faraway farmhands couldn't resist squeezing them, even if it meant they didn't get to keep the milk.) The other farmers believed CSN2000 would give them a competitive advantage over Farmer Jones in the long run.

Farmer Jones scoffed at CSN2000. CSN2000, he said, had side effects. CSN2000, he said, caused farmhands to forget their god-given common sense. Although CSN2000 magically gave the cows irresistible teats, it sometimes caused the farmhands to milk the cow incessantly, so that the farmhand became obsessed with teats and could do nothing all day long but milk the damn cow. This is a side-effect see, because the internal farmhands were not supposed to milk their own cows with CSN2000. The internal farmhands were supposed to do other chores (like shovel shit) around their own farms and let external farmhands do the milking. But the lure of the magic teats, however, was too strong to resist and many farmhands in those farms fell into an abyss of sin.

Because of this side-effect, Farmer Jones decided not to use CSN2000, and even banned it in his farm. He would think of some other ways to boost his Golden Cow.

Many years later, Farmer Jones regretted this decision.

He saw that more and more farms were using CSN2000, as well as CSN2001, CSN2002, CSN2003 and even CSNXp (Service Pack 2). Farmer Jones began to worry. While his Golden Cow was still producing top quality milk, he was afraid that it would not be able to withstand the long term impact of the CSNs in other farms.

So Farmer Jones decided to bring in a CSN machine into his farm.

Alas! The farmhands on Farmer Jones' farm had already been conditioned over the years to believe that CSN machines were evil. Farmer Jones was afraid that if he brought in the CSN machine, his farmhands would all revolt, and possibly shift to other farms.

What to do? How to convince his farmhands that they needed the CSN machine?

Farmer Jones, being very smart, hatched a plan. He would tell his farmhands that he was considering bringing in a CSN machine, and that he required them to help him make this important decision. Now, Farmer Jones might have already made a decision, but nobody alive, except Farmer Jones himself, will ever know the truth about this.

And that was what Farmer Jones did.

As he had expected, there was a huge debate over this. Many farmhands objected, citing the evil lure of CSN machines, claiming that CSN machines will ultimately destroy their little families. Some said that this was against their religion (Super Heavenly Cow appeared in their dreams and told them so), and that the Golden Cow should not be the be-all and end-all of their farm. A group of farmhands even formed a petition! They called it FACTS - Farmhands Against CSN ThreatS. FACTS even got lots of other farmhands to join in this petition. Other farmhands, however, pointed out that CSN machines will ensure their farm's long term survival. They also said that even if Farmer Jones did not bring in a CSN machine, their own farmhands were already besotted with the CSN-enabled teats in other nearby farms. What was the difference between foreign CSN-enabled teats and local CSN-enabled teats?

After a long and arduous debate, Farmer Jones finally announced his decision. Having taken a long and hard look at the issues and the farmhands' concerns, he announced that he would remove the current ban on the CSN machines. On top of that, he would bring in not one, but two CSN machines, except they wouldn't really be like the old CSN machines.

Farmer Jones explained that the CSN machines will be revolutionized, and will less than 5% of two new machines, IntR0001 and IntR0002. These IntR models will not only give their Golden Cow more teats; they'd even decorate the teats so that the Golden Cow can attract all sorts of visitors from other farms, just dying to touch and milk the teats. Want fat teats? IntR0001 gives the Golden Cow fat teats. Want lean teats? IntR0002 gives the Golden Cow lean teats. Want family-oriented teats that the entire family can touch and milk together? IntR0001 is here.

He assured his restless farmhands that several safeguards against this new line of IntR machines would be established. For one, not everyone will be allowed to touch the teats willy-nilly. His own farmhands for example, had to pay $100 for each touching/ milking session, and the session would only last one day. Of course, being a fan of economies of scale, Farmer Jones also offered a package deal as well for more well-to-do farmhands who wanted year-long access to the exciting IntR machines and the magical teats. Farmer Jones promised that even though their own farmhands won’t be encouraged to milk the teats, they could still maintain the IntR machines instead, because the IntR machines were labor intensive. Farmer Jones promised he wouldn't hire too many external farmhands to man the IntR machines, so that his own farmhands could have more jobs! Wasn't that great! (Of course, Farmer Jones maintained a suitably serious and troubled face while he was saying this, so that his farmhands could tell he was troubled and clearly torn in two regarding IntRs.)

Many farmhands got pissed.

They accused Farmer Jones of using the debate to disguise the fact that the decision was already made long ago. They bemoaned that their farm had lost its standards of purity. They screamed that the lure of the teats was too powerful for a mere $100 milking fee. They suggested that it was time to slaughter the sacred Cow. Other farms too, sniggered that Farmer Jones wanted to have his cow's milk and slaughter it for beef too.

This continued for some time and after a while, Farmer Jones lost his patience.

He told his farmhands firmly, that it was time to stop flogging this dead horse. The decision to bring in the IntR machines had been made. It was now time to work together as a team to make sure that the transition to the IntR era be as smooth as possible. Further debate on an already settled topic was counter-productive. Farmer Jones also reiterated that he respected the diverse views of his farmhands, and was even happy that many objected to the IntR machines. However, it was time for everyone to stop talking, and move on. The Golden Cow was excreting a lot, and everyone should just agree with Farmer Jones, stop arguing, get with the program and continue the daily shoveling of waste products.

What else could the farmhands do, since the decision had been made and Farmer Jones clearly thought they couldn't shovel shit and still debate the IntR machines at the same time? What else could the farmhands do, when their esteemed Farmer Jones issued a barely-veiled warning to unite or be labeled a polarizing miscreant in their multi-species, multi-vitamin farm?

What should the farmhands do, dear readers?

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This is a work of fiction. The characters and incidents portrayed and the names used herein are entirely fictitious and any resemblance to the names, character, or history of any person is coincidental and unintentional. Anyone who thinks this entry is societal or political in nature or that it was inspired by this article is totally mistaken. I swear upon the Golden Cow.

Now let's moo on.