Here's my critique of MSN's choices for the next 007. I'm being totally mean, because I'm sick of comparing the core capabilities and competitive strategies of Intel and Samsung. Don't ask.

Clive Owen: Too brutishly and ruggedly good-looking and nose is slightly too big. Will however be a perfect fit if Bond has taken up WWE professional wrestling classes. Unfortunately, the image of his character in Closer engaging in naughty chatroom talk will always stay with me. No way Bond can be so stupid as to fall for the I-am-a-nubile-sex-kitten trick. Really.

Daniel Craig: Too blond. Bond shouldn't have to suffer through the dumb blond jokes. Hey don't look at me.. I didn't invent those. How many blond Bonds can you count anyway? (Hmm.. Blond Bonds. Say that ten times.) After the smothering Bond played by Pierce Brosnan, he looks as suave as a Labrador: affable but not quite Bedroom Olympian material. But who knows what'll happen with a makeover? He's British too, and that's a huge advantage.

Jude Law: Suave, sophisticated, and probably only has to breathe on screen to please 80% of female viewers (which by the way, is bloody unfair). Unfortunately, that leaves the male population, who should by now be thoroughly tired of him. The narcissistic Abercrombie & Fitch look leaves me cold when I picture him as the debonair Bond. And he needs to shave more and comb his hair. (Btw, he plays the fellow who tricked Owen's character using the I-am-a-nubile-sex-kitten trick)

Ewan McGregor: Hello? This scruffy looking man looks as Bond as my grandmother. Also looks too bookish. Can't imagine him getting the chicks. He can be the geeky lab assistant, nothing more. Rather short for Bond too, which means the Bond women can't be too leggy or Mr. 007 will be dwarfed. And non-leggy Bond women is a bad idea. Guys certainly don't watch James Bond for the plot.

Christian Bale: Bloody hell I don't like this guy. He has to strip (well half-strip) and show off his taut and toned body in all the movies I've watched with him in it. Go count them. Reign of Fire, The Machinist, Equilibrium, American Psycho. Bah, exhibitionist. He must be using his body to divert attention away from his wooden facial expressions. And he's already playing Batman (I bet he strips again... shirts staying on him is a foreign concept). One franchise is enough, no matter how much he looks like a suave and shameless Bond.

Colin Farrell: Pffft... James Bond is a serial womanizer, but has too much class to ever ever ever appear like a porn star wannabe boxer with a severe wardrobe problem. 'nuff said.

George Clooney: Suave, charming and the ladies' man. Would love to hate him, except he's 44 and old enough to be my father, which is the problem. James Bond ought to be younger this time round. His charm does help things though... Best Danny Ocean. Ever. Okay, so there were only two Danny Oceans. Bite me.

Idris Elba: Idris Who? Considering the number of African American Bond women (What? 2? 3? Out of a gadzillion?), Idris shouldn't hold his breath.

Timothy Olyphant: Timothy who? The folks at MSN must have been dreaming when they included him. He looks like the henchman of a villian instead of Bond. Yes, that's right. Not even the villian proper. The obligatory henchman who gets killed 10 minutes after the movie starts. Maybe if he goes under the knife and lose that hairdo. I'm beginning to think we should bring back Daniel Craig.

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Bill Murray: Right. I shan't even bother with his picture. The only plus Bill has for him is when the 007 franchise becomes a comedy. Oh, that and the fact that the villians will all probably laugh to death when they find out that he's the new Bond. Handy. He won't be the pioneer in this field though, since Halle Berry (coincidentally ex-Bond woman, Jinx) already tried that with Catwoman.

Christopher Walken: Please. I can't take it any more. MSN should get Sir Richard Attenborough if they have something going for an old Bond. The thought of a sexy Bond woman with him makes my hair stand (somewhat like his).

My own irrelevant picks:

Rowan Atkinson (He's English, plus already has prior spy training as Johnny English.)
Samuel L. Jackson (He's good.)
Phua Chu Kang (He tries to be funny, which is funny.)
Hugh Jackman (Looks good in a suit.)
Julian McMahon (He's edgy.)
Keanu Reeves (Natural wooden poker face - total spy material)

Obligatory rah-rah: All images borrowed from various Internet sources... If any image is not meant to be in the public domain, let me know.