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The Ownself Sabo Ownself Interview
The wicked wicked questions posed by MercerMachine stumped me for quite a bit (I wasn't skiving!), but here are my responses:
1) You have been chosen to participate in the next season of the reality TV show 'Survivor'. What is your strategy? How many people will you outwit, outlast and outplay?
Look. Singaporeans would totally OWN the show if we were on it. We'd eat the other contestants for breakfast and pick our teeth with their bones. That's why there's not a single local on the series even after so many seasons. Oh, and the fact that "Survivor" is an American production probably means something as well, but nevermind that.
My strategy is three-pronged: Outbitch, Outlust and Outweigh.
Outbitch: The way I see it, I totally have dibs on this. I know some other Survivor-wannabes have tried this but got their asses handed back to them on a platter. But that's simply because they haven't bitched enough. I should know. The genes for bitching and generally throwing snits is hardcoded into my national DNA. I can bitch about the sand, the sun, the moon, the water, the wind, the lack of wind, the air, ugly pubic hair... you name it. Why, they even wrote an article in the Straits Times about this! Except some hotshot chairman from a hotshot agency called it "whine", but "Outwhine" didn't rhyme with "Outwit". It only took me a couple hours of whining about the very lack of rhyme before I decided on the term "Outbitch". I am nothing if not amazingly flexible.
Outlust: Trade secret here, but the point is to drive all the contestants mad, so that they'd escape into the jungle and get themselves eaten ala "Lost" or jump into the sea and get themselves eaten ala "The Deep Blue Sea". What's that? What about Singaporean's legendary low sex drive you ask? Wouldn't that sort of impede the plan? Well of course you don't actually have to do it, you know. Who has the time? You just have to pretend. It's reality TV afterall!
Outweigh: The advantages to this seemingly obscure strategy is two-fold. A) To outweigh everybody, you'd have to imbibe an unholy amount of food. That'd starve your tribe mates and drive them closer towards that jungle or deep blue sea. B) You are too heavy to cart anyplace you don't want to be anyway. And if you don't go to the tribal council, then you can't be voted out can you?
If all else fails, use a couple of durians to drive everyone mad. But there's bound to be some hardy opponents. Restage the PCK musical to take care of the fools.
2) Sarong Party Girl and xiaxue are in a baby oil wrestling match. Who would you bet money on? Who would you like to see more skin from?
Okay see, Mercer is being totally diabolical here. No matter who I pick, I risk getting mauled by a) Intrepidette b) SPG's white knights c) Xiaxue's sisterhood d) feminists e) passivists (hmmm irony?) f) anti-gambling conservatives g) prudish conservatives.
What have I done to deserve this??
Anyhow, Xiaxue probably can't get too naked. She's the ambassador of some clothing line, so she has to wear their tees. Even while in a baby oil wrestling match. SPG is more daring... and she'll probably win on account that Xiaxue will be too busy critiquing her opponent's breasts.
Man, if Mrs Mercer ever reads this question and realizes his subconscious fantasies, Mercer is going to get permanently exiled to underneath the couch!
3) If you could be one fictional character, who would it be? If you could have one superpower, what would it be?
Ho Hum. So what makes you think I'm real? Hmm. That picture on the right is not really me. That description below is not me either. I'm really a cop moonlighting as a stripper in Geylang with powers of mesmerism, and this is my fictional self!
Otherwise, I'd be the Wart (that's young King Arthur) from The Once and Future King, experiencing the wonders of the world for the first time. However, I'd have the power to manipulate weather, like Storm of The Uncanny X-men. Why Storm? 24 years of sucky, winterless weather, that's why.
4) Who has been the greatest personal influence in your life and why?
My parents. They're not perfect, and they don't need to be. But everything I am, everything I can be, everything I am not, will not be, can mostly be attributed to them. I am lucky to have received an education as well as work experience, but those alone do not and will not define me.
5) Boxers or briefs? Alternately, corset or teddy?
You know, I don't think a teddy will look fetching on me. Hmmm. Yep. I'm pretty sure I'd look like a clown. A corset's just too painful. I like to leave my ribs intact, thank you very much. I had no idea Mercer was so open-minded by the way. Exciting life he leads.
Briefs normally, boxers when I run out of briefs, but never when I don't expect to be in an air-conditioned room. Some parts of the body were never meant to perspire. (So alternatively, a teddy, but not for me! ;) )
Bonus Round: Is there an Intrepidette in your life? If so, what attracted you to her? If not, would you consider doing as Sandralicious and triple period have done and advertise on your blog to win a date with the Cap'n?
I will never, ever advertise for a date. Can't risk a stampede. The millions of you waiting out there with bated breaths can give up in disappointment now!
Yep, there's an Intrepidette in my life. She works in Bloomberg and is a whiz with money and figures, whereas my eyes glaze over upon hearing words like debit, credit, bonds and P&L earnings. Her humor, her eyes, her legs, her laugh- everything attracted me... Failing which she will proceed to skin me alive. Know Angelina Jolie's Mrs. Smith? Pfffttt! Well, Intrepidette doesn't need knives, guns or any body parts. Just a look from her will slay me and stop my heart... just like how it was when I first met her.
On that lovey-dovey and mushy note, here are the rules of the game!
The Official Interview Game Rules
1. If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying interview me.
2. I will respond by asking you five questions. Each person's will be different.
3. You will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
Filed under: Humour, Blog, Blogger, Personal
1) You have been chosen to participate in the next season of the reality TV show 'Survivor'. What is your strategy? How many people will you outwit, outlast and outplay?
Look. Singaporeans would totally OWN the show if we were on it. We'd eat the other contestants for breakfast and pick our teeth with their bones. That's why there's not a single local on the series even after so many seasons. Oh, and the fact that "Survivor" is an American production probably means something as well, but nevermind that.
My strategy is three-pronged: Outbitch, Outlust and Outweigh.
Outbitch: The way I see it, I totally have dibs on this. I know some other Survivor-wannabes have tried this but got their asses handed back to them on a platter. But that's simply because they haven't bitched enough. I should know. The genes for bitching and generally throwing snits is hardcoded into my national DNA. I can bitch about the sand, the sun, the moon, the water, the wind, the lack of wind, the air, ugly pubic hair... you name it. Why, they even wrote an article in the Straits Times about this! Except some hotshot chairman from a hotshot agency called it "whine", but "Outwhine" didn't rhyme with "Outwit". It only took me a couple hours of whining about the very lack of rhyme before I decided on the term "Outbitch". I am nothing if not amazingly flexible.
Outlust: Trade secret here, but the point is to drive all the contestants mad, so that they'd escape into the jungle and get themselves eaten ala "Lost" or jump into the sea and get themselves eaten ala "The Deep Blue Sea". What's that? What about Singaporean's legendary low sex drive you ask? Wouldn't that sort of impede the plan? Well of course you don't actually have to do it, you know. Who has the time? You just have to pretend. It's reality TV afterall!
Outweigh: The advantages to this seemingly obscure strategy is two-fold. A) To outweigh everybody, you'd have to imbibe an unholy amount of food. That'd starve your tribe mates and drive them closer towards that jungle or deep blue sea. B) You are too heavy to cart anyplace you don't want to be anyway. And if you don't go to the tribal council, then you can't be voted out can you?
If all else fails, use a couple of durians to drive everyone mad. But there's bound to be some hardy opponents. Restage the PCK musical to take care of the fools.
2) Sarong Party Girl and xiaxue are in a baby oil wrestling match. Who would you bet money on? Who would you like to see more skin from?
Okay see, Mercer is being totally diabolical here. No matter who I pick, I risk getting mauled by a) Intrepidette b) SPG's white knights c) Xiaxue's sisterhood d) feminists e) passivists (hmmm irony?) f) anti-gambling conservatives g) prudish conservatives.
What have I done to deserve this??
Anyhow, Xiaxue probably can't get too naked. She's the ambassador of some clothing line, so she has to wear their tees. Even while in a baby oil wrestling match. SPG is more daring... and she'll probably win on account that Xiaxue will be too busy critiquing her opponent's breasts.
Man, if Mrs Mercer ever reads this question and realizes his subconscious fantasies, Mercer is going to get permanently exiled to underneath the couch!
3) If you could be one fictional character, who would it be? If you could have one superpower, what would it be?
Ho Hum. So what makes you think I'm real? Hmm. That picture on the right is not really me. That description below is not me either. I'm really a cop moonlighting as a stripper in Geylang with powers of mesmerism, and this is my fictional self!
Otherwise, I'd be the Wart (that's young King Arthur) from The Once and Future King, experiencing the wonders of the world for the first time. However, I'd have the power to manipulate weather, like Storm of The Uncanny X-men. Why Storm? 24 years of sucky, winterless weather, that's why.
4) Who has been the greatest personal influence in your life and why?
My parents. They're not perfect, and they don't need to be. But everything I am, everything I can be, everything I am not, will not be, can mostly be attributed to them. I am lucky to have received an education as well as work experience, but those alone do not and will not define me.
5) Boxers or briefs? Alternately, corset or teddy?
You know, I don't think a teddy will look fetching on me. Hmmm. Yep. I'm pretty sure I'd look like a clown. A corset's just too painful. I like to leave my ribs intact, thank you very much. I had no idea Mercer was so open-minded by the way. Exciting life he leads.
Briefs normally, boxers when I run out of briefs, but never when I don't expect to be in an air-conditioned room. Some parts of the body were never meant to perspire. (So alternatively, a teddy, but not for me! ;) )
Bonus Round: Is there an Intrepidette in your life? If so, what attracted you to her? If not, would you consider doing as Sandralicious and triple period have done and advertise on your blog to win a date with the Cap'n?
I will never, ever advertise for a date. Can't risk a stampede. The millions of you waiting out there with bated breaths can give up in disappointment now!
Yep, there's an Intrepidette in my life. She works in Bloomberg and is a whiz with money and figures, whereas my eyes glaze over upon hearing words like debit, credit, bonds and P&L earnings. Her humor, her eyes, her legs, her laugh- everything attracted me... Failing which she will proceed to skin me alive. Know Angelina Jolie's Mrs. Smith? Pfffttt! Well, Intrepidette doesn't need knives, guns or any body parts. Just a look from her will slay me and stop my heart... just like how it was when I first met her.
On that lovey-dovey and mushy note, here are the rules of the game!
The Official Interview Game Rules
1. If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying interview me.
2. I will respond by asking you five questions. Each person's will be different.
3. You will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
Filed under: Humour, Blog, Blogger, Personal
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