Minyi and Xuanzhi,

May your days be filled with happiness,

and your nights be filled with bliss.

And when you're both old, gray and full of sleep,*

think back on a lifetime of love,

begun on tonight's one sweet kiss.

Congratulations, once again.

*Sorry, Yeats!

Whoever is living upstairs and singing (and I use the term loosely, oh yes, very loosely) on the karaoke machine deserves to be strapped to a chair and forced to listen to their ghastly shrieks for 48 hours, complete with ear numbing speaker feedback. On days like this, they REALLY test my patience and the limits of my sanity. Should the latter ever snap while they're singing, I'll hope I'll have the clarity of mind to head upstairs and shove their karaoke system, mike and all, into their bloody throats.

I have an English test on Monday, a Biology test on Thursday, two papers due next on Wednesday and a wedding banquet tomorrow. I am NOT a happy man tonight. Even worse, the English test includes phonetics... my worst English topic. And it's not just Modern English phonetics too, because it includes Old English phonetics. So while I am grappling with the godforsaken IPA symbols and trying to account for the Great Vowel Shift, those assholes upstairs totally destroy my pronounciation. Can you imagine trying to figure out these while some Singapore Idol wannabe belts out Hokkien and Chinese songs, one after another?! Throw in the loud feedback from their cannot-make-it karaoke system and there you have it: the anatomy of nothing-better-to-do karaoke singers from hell. I hope his entire family gets indigestion. And that they get hospitalized. And misdiagnosed. And get exposed as lunatics. And immigrate to Peru. And get eaten up by crocodiles. And that the last thing they ever hear, is their own voices shrieking "lu bian yiiii keeeeeee.... rong shu xiaaaaaaaa!!!". And their tombstones will read like this.

Until then, I have to hold on to my sanity, diphthongs and rhoticity. Man I'm pissed...

A gentle rain falls

The slightest of a caress

Whispers of relief

Finally rained a tiny bit today. Some other people living in Eunos mentioned that it poured sometime during the afternoon. No such luck here. Dark clouds aplenty, but the air was still humid enough to deliver a sharp slap to your senses. A drizzle came around half past four. The duration was shorter than the time Maxi takes to urinate- that's how short the drizzle was.

The grass patches around my estate have all gone yellow due to the lack of rain and the unforgiving heat. If anybody knows any raindances, Tampines will be glad to have you.

From a boring computer-aided lesson:

When geneticists refer to an organism's genetic makeup, they are talking about its (lipstick and eye shadow).

A trait controlled by a gene located on a sex chromosome is called a (sexy trait).

At least I hope they were being funny...

------------------------------

From Kurose and Ross, Computer Networking: A Top-Down Approach Featuring the Internet

Q: Why are routers bad?
A: There are two different ways to pronounce "router" - either /rutor/ or /rowter/ - and people waste a lot of time arguing over the proper pronunciation.

A gem of a text!

------------------------------

A funny and "erudite" source of geek humour can also be found at mathNEWS. Some are so bawdy that I dare not reproduce them for fear of being revoked of my Singaporean citizenship. Ways to improve your self-gratification is a killer this issue, although one must admit it has got nothing whatsoever to do with maths. The Stranger?!?! Man, they slay me.

Edward Lewis and Vivien Ward (from Pretty Woman) have a new name, and that name is Globalization. Why should Edward pay money to have Vivien stay overnight, when Singaporean men now get paid to have women marry them? Why should Vivien be content with working the streets of Hollywood and one week engagements, when she could instead ply her wares along the streets of Singapore for two whole years? (TWO! Gasp.)

Globalisation.

If you have no idea what I'm yakking about, then direct your browser here. Believe it or not, Singaporean husbands now fetch a market rate of $5000 per marriage, by marrying women from certain countries who are willing to pay their way to a high flying prostitution career in Singapore. Edward Lewis can now only watch in frustration as Chinese, Thai, Russian and Vietnamese women flock to Singaporean men and even pay them for a paper marriage. Sure beats having your wife and lover walk out of your door with half your possessions, especially if you have a closet desire to have an active prostitute as your wife. ("Meet my wife. She's in the personal servicing industry.")

Local men nowadays must be getting more mercenery. I've only heard of young men marrying old, sickly rich women and inheriting their fortunes when they die (If you ladies think the reverse doesn't happen, think again.) but this certainly was a surprise. Turnover rate of the wives is higher, meaning you can earn more money in a shorter time. No need to wait for an eternity for that pesky rich wife to die. Heck, you can even charge your wife a percentage of her hard-earned (pun is not intended, you gutter-brain) money, so you get to be a pimp as well as a husband. What a concept eh?

It's a disgrace what has happened to the institution called marriage. Reports like this make me feel as if many marriages nowadays are by turns a sham, a farce or a tragedy. Marriages of convenience are bad enough, but this... These men ought to have some sense beaten into them. Have a judge make their marriage iron-clad and irreversible. Or have the producers of Pretty Woman sue them for distorting the message of Pretty Woman. Or better yet, force these men to undergo sex change operations to effectively snip off their budding entreprenuerism.

From Wikipedia:

"The Kyoto Protocol is an amendment to the United Nations Framework Convention on Climate Change (UNFCCC), an international treaty on global warming. It also reaffirms sections of the UNFCCC. Countries which ratify this protocol commit to reduce their emissions of carbon dioxide and five other greenhouse gases, or engage in emissions trading if they maintain or increase emissions of these gases, which have been linked to global warming."

---------

Was reading an article in the Straits Times by one of my favourite columnists, Janadas Devan. The article offered reasons why the Kyoto Protocol, or KP, is unlikely to succeed. Chief among those reasons were that China, India, and US won't be required to cut their carbon emission. China and India are developing countries and will only be subjected to voluntary cuts, while US has refused to sign the KP. Together, they account for 35% of the world's carbon emission.

Mr. Bush's apparently worried that the US economy will be affected. By ratifying the KP, countries pledge to keep their carbon emission below certain levels, failing which they engage in emission trading with other countries who have leftover emission levels. They can spend up to millions buying spare emission levels. Understandably then, developed nations who produce high levels of carbon and are unable to cut back, will find themselves handing over the fruits of their industrialization to countries like Russia. Heck, if I were Mr. Bush, I'd chicken out too. It's damned if you do, and damned if you don't. Many US citizens complain now, and blast the Bush administration for rejecting the KP. But how much of their ire is on behalf of the environment, and how much is just bluster directed towards the Democrats? And will these same people condemn Bush later, whether on failed/ unwelcome policies or dollars lost, should the US take on the KP? Environmental issues are notorious for their political undertones, and the KP is hardly an exception.

Developing nations who have signed the KP have it good- they are not required to make enforced cuts to emission rates, can bask in international praise as signatories of the KP, and still stand to make money should neighbouring developed countries carry out emission trading with them. They don't have to concern themselves with tricky economic issues - until they become developed anyway. For those who are interested, Singapore has not yet acceded to the Kyoto Protocol, and officials have made non-committal, ho-hum responses to KP, which is seldom a sign of affirmation. Malaysia and Indonesia, on the other hand, have acceded to the KP. The more cynical among us will immediately note that the latter two are developing nations, and Singapore, a developed one. Coincidence? Of course, a dichotomy like this will never hold. Astute observers will realize that UK and Japan have signed on.

The problem with the KP is that it forces administrations to prioritize their aims and objectives. The results of this exercise might not be accepted by everyone governed by the administration, but the only alternative is a "softer" protocol that pays lip service to environmental issues and does not really attempt to solve the problem. With such a hard-hitting protocol, UN and the world must know that it will never be internationally accepted.

Interestingly though, author Michael Crichton has something to say about the KP in his latest novel "State of Fear". Now, if I didn't have immense faith in humanity's decency, I'd say that Mr. Crichton is trying to pull a "Da Vinci Code" publicity stunt. But then again, if humanity is always decent, then there wouldn't be the need for a KP now would there? Nations will always conscientiously cut back on carbon emission without the need for some fancy penalties like emission trading (who thinks up of these new-fangled ideas anyway. What's next? Oxygen rationing?). We're a screwed up species, oh yes we are.

Three times every week (including today), I am in turns amused and pissed off (again including today, which puts me in a pissy mood) by people I meet and observe on our local MRTs. Allow me to introduce:

1) The Kiasus (Scale of Irritation - 9/10, Scale of Entertainment - 9/10)
These bunch of people usually comprises aunties and uncles, whose motto is "Die die must get a seat on the train", and who will therefore force their way to the middle of the yellow restricted area when a train approaches. Nevermind that some other Kiasu is already standing there or that they obstruct outcoming commuters. When they don't immediately land a seat, the Kiasus will skillfully scope out somebody who looks as if they'll alight soon, and plonk themselves at a strategic location so that they can swoop to the empty seat in the shortest time possible. Try a 6.30 am train trip, and you'll see these Kiasus at work around school kids who have seats, knowing that those who don certain uniforms are due to alight soon. It is ALWAYS entertaining to thwart their efforts. When you're alighting a train, it's fun to make sure that the Kiasus get blocked by your lumbering body as you bash your bags against them. On crowded trains, compete with them for the seats, and proceed to stare boldly at them when you win, because otherwise they'll cast the evil eye on you.

2) The Nodders (Scale of Irritation - 8/10, Scale of Entertainment - 1/10)
The Nodders are an insidious bunch of seated commuters who doze their way through a train journey. Some are Straight Nodders, while the majority are Left or Right Nodders. Having a dozing person smack their head on your assorted body parts is no fun at all, especially if you cannot decide whether to employ evasive action, wake the Nodder up, or to take it like a man. So where's the entertainment in this? Solely when you're not the victim of a Nodder, and are enjoying the sights of irritated commuters dodging their attacks. Try getting them to give up their seats to you. Snicker.

3) The Newspaper Reader (Scale of Irritation - 6/10, Scale of Entertainment - 4/10)
The Newspaper Reader often appears in the mornings. They are armed either with freesheet Today or the assorted daily like Straits Times or Lian He Zao Bao. Whether or not they are seated, they will claim a large airspace in front of their thoracic cavity as a no man's land, as they spread their papers to read. Those seated will take up 1/4 of the airspace of those around him, especially if it's the bigger sized daily that he is reading. Sitting beside these people can nonetheless be entertaining, if you openly read his paper together with him. You can also try to hurry him along if his reading speed is too slow, or laugh uproariously from time to time just to irritate the Newspaper Reader. (Biz Times: STI closes 10% lower - You: Wah ha ha ha!)

4) The Wannabe Seniors (Scale of Irritation - 8/10, Scale of Entertainment - 6/10)
These aunties and uncles are typically between 45 and 60. During normal conversations, you might insult them mortally if you suggested or implied that they are senior citizens, because they don't think they're all that old. Unfortunately, they often suffer amnesia when they get on trains. Decked out in what they perceive to be fashionable clothes, with their hair nicely permed, they will nonetheless attempt to seek out an empty seat. When they fail to land one, they'll resort to pouting in front of the "special" seat with that "give up your seat, loser" sign, conveniently forgetting that doing so is a 180 degree reversal of their "never say old" policy. They will desperately swoop to any empty seats during stops, and make no qualms about their frustration when failing to land one. You know how to entertain yourself with this one.

5) The Studious (Scale of Irritation - 4/10, Scale of Entertainment - 0/10)
The Studious will immediately flip out a book and proceed to glue their face to its pages, whether or not they are seated. Until they reach their stop, these people will exhibit no awareness of their surroundings, as if they've entered a zen state. They may move only to sit down in an empty seat. Irritation comes only when you realize that they are reading Advance Theory on Networks Optimization for Unreliable Transport Protocols, and that you'll probably lose your first class honors to people like them. Another variant is the Wannabe Studious. Unlike the Studious, wannabes are usually desperately trying to finish their homework on trains. They deserve our pity, so try not to jolt their pens too hard if you want to have fun with them.

6) The Havoks (Scale of Irritation - 8/10, Scale of Entertainment - 2/10)
These are invariably Malay males. They usually appear in groups, and take up one section of the train cabin. They dress like Hell's Angels and probably have body piercings in nooks and crannies I didn't know existed. Sometimes, they may be accompanied by loud, blaring radios that blast out hip-hop or metal music, and they're completely oblivious to frigid stares from those around them. The only fun you can get is to groove to their music, which incidentally will reduce your IQ by a scale of 200. Alternatively, invoke the extreme ire of those around you by getting them to crank up the volume even higher.

7) The Pinickers (Scale of Irritation - 6/10, Scale of Entertainment - 6/10)
Pinickers will totally ignore the No Food rule on trains, and munch on anything from snacks to full McDonald's meals. They don't appear often, but usually tend to be idiotic school kids trying to silently persuade the gahmen to reverse its pro childbirth policies. It's always entertaining to give them a dressing down and promising that you'll report them to SMRT if they do not cease and desist. I mean, those around them don't deserved to be tantalized by all that yummy food do they? Inconsiderate brats... Alternatively, if you possess the skin of a rhino, you could persuade them to share some food with you on pain of that whopper of a $500 fine.

8) The Schoolgirls (Scale of Irritation - 4/10, Scale of Entertainment - 7/10)
The Schoolgirls almost always appear in groups of three and above. It's as if there's a natural law stating that the volume of girls will multiply exponentially when they gather in numbers above two. They will crack bawdy jokes, poke fun at absent boys, compare idols, rant about their heartless teachers or parents, complain that they've only managed to get 30 bags of clothes at the latest sale etc. Basically, by the time either they or you alight, you feel as if you've sat through 5 episodes of soap drama. Since you cannot hope to edge in a word, the only fun you can get is to stare lecherously at them. It works best if you're an old man with a saliva problem. (Scratch your groin while you're at it. Works wonders.)

9) The Technogeeks (Scale of Irritation - 3/10, Scale of Entertainment - 4/10)
When I'm in a pissy mood (like today), I call these people Showoffs. They'll whip out their PDA, laptops or other high tech equipment and proceed to demonstrate the power of their gadgets to those around them. The worst of these juggle two to three gadgets together, and makes you think that they are attempting to single-handedly perpetuate the poverty divide in Singapore. Really ah, some people... Salary too high. Come, come, donate some to me:

10) The People Watcher (Scale of Irritation - 2/10, Scale of Entertainment - 1/10)
Skilled People Watchers are usually unobtrusive, and can quickly flick their eyes in another direction to prevent being caught while plying their skills. These people are quick enough to scope out all the people they can land their eyes on, and therefore immediately zoom in to the interesting ones. They cause irritation only when you catch them in the act several times, and know for sure that they are observing you. If you're perverse enough, you might turn your observation skills on them, but then they're usually non-confrontational and will seek other targets. Try not to do take revenge if you're of the same gender, because a third people watcher might be observing. Your lovey-dovey I'll-looking-at-you-I'm-not-looking-at-you exploits might be described in gory detail on a blog like this one, complete with pictures taken from the mobile phone.

You have been warned.

... with a guy:

...with a girl:

... ... *ouch*.

Had a field assignment today, and turned up for it in formal wear with 5 fellow team mates. Big mistake. By the time I put on my long sleeved shirt, I was already wilting. Had to cool off in front of the fan before I left the house. Even then, I could immediately feel every pore in my skin break out in perspiration the moment I stepped out in the sun.

It. Is. So. Bloody. Hot.

It is so hot that after turning off the shower faucet, I start to feel sticky again before I can lay my hands on the towel. And even with the sun, I do not possess a Adonis tan, but instead look more like a druggie who hasn't seen the light of days in eons. What gives?!?! If anybody thinks Singapore is an oh-so-charming tropical island with 365 days of bright and sunny weather, then may I curse/ bless you with the same weather all year round. And you can't cheat by hanging out half-naked at the beach too!

On a side note, I noticed that some people have landed on my blog while searching for "Chiang Yo Po" and "Chiang Yo Chang". If you enjoy dramatic irony, then you'll probably appreciate the fact that my ranting about them brought me more referrals from Google than any other subjects. Being of extraordinary thick skin:

"Chiang Yo Po", "Chiang Yo Po", "Chiang Yo Po", "Chiang Yo Po", "Chiang Yo Po", "Chiang Yo Po", "Chiang Yo Po", "Chiang Yo Po", "Chiang Yo Po", "Chiang Yo Po",

"Chiang Yo Chang", "Chiang Yo Chang", "Chiang Yo Chang", "Chiang Yo Chang", "Chiang Yo Chang", "Chiang Yo Chang", "Chiang Yo Chang", "Chiang Yo Chang",

There. This should bring up my hits to the thousands. Hussies looking for hot pics or videos (the word "pics" in close proximity to those two names should fool more people. The title of this entry should also be misleading enough. Hyuk hyuk.) have to look elsewhere...

What can be so silly about a World Class University you ask? For starters:

1) Monday to Friday working days
NUS operates only Mondays to Fridays. Saturdays and Sundays are dedicated to procreation, ala Singapore style. Labs, tutorial rooms and admin offices are all closed and all forms of group based academic pursuits grind to a halt for the elusive 2.1 babies per couple. It doesn't matter that 5 days work weeks doesn't mean weekends = no work. It doesn't matter that access to SOC computing labs is smartcard controlled. It doesn't matter that PCs are chained. It doesn't matter that you have project work or require printing services desperately on weekends. No sirree. May we recommend you try the library, where you'll most likely get your collective arses kicked out when you attempt a group discussion, because the meeting rooms are all taken up by sleeping idiots? Give feedback? I'm still awaiting a reply... and who I am compared to babies anyway?

2) Midterm breaks
First, NUS had a sensible 1 week break. Some loved it, some hated it. NUS then decided to abolish the midterm break. Some loved it, most hated it. NUS then reinstated the midterm break, but shortened it to a 5-day one. You'd think with a Monday to Friday working week, the midterm break will logically fall from Monday to Friday, as it's clearly labelled 5 days afterall. But Noooooo.... Midterm break starts on a Sunday, and ends on a Thursday. Since when is Sunday considered a school day, especially in view of the 5 day work week? And if it was, why not include Saturday in the count and make it 6 days? And what IS the logic behind a single school day in one week? Extending the break by 1 day will hardly set the entire university into chaos. But Noooooo... we MUST start school on Fridays, so that the entire schedule for the 2nd half of the semester is as screwed up as a nail overdosed on alcohol. Now everyone is just plain confused.

3) Module Bidding
Now see, every NUS student has 2 bidding accounts, in which points are credited to allow us to bid for modules in 39 categories, during 4 bidding rounds, Round 0, Round 1A thru B, Round 2A thru C, Round 3A thru F. You may bid for certain categories of modules only during specific rounds, and woe is you if you ever forget. 1 module can be of different categories to two students, and 1 module can also fall under more than 1 category for each student. Of course, certain modules can only be bid for using one account, while other modules can be bid for using another account. Bidding goes through 3 phases, the first of which you may not bid, the second of which you may bid and view the lowest bid required, and the third of which you may bid but may not view the lowest bid required. After you have gotten a module, the difference between your bid and the lowest bid required is refunded to you. After all of this, you may begin balloting for tutorials, at which point you lose your sanity and fling your mouse at your screen.

4) Emails
It takes 4 admin officers to forward a useless mail to you (which further expires by the time you receive it), despite the fact that there are clear university wide mailing lists available to them. On the other hand, it takes no effort for 1 outsider to mass mail a useless mail to you and other innocent spam victims, despite the fact that there are no mailing lists available to him. Go figure.

5) Password Change
You change your university-wide password, used at countless locations on campus, at a small, tinny link on the NUS Exchange email site, if you want to do it online. Please squint hard to see the hyperlink.

6) Acceptable Use Policy
You either sign it or lose access to all IT resources. And marks. And lecture notes. And forums. And official email accounts. And all forms of non-verbal communication with the university. This is no AUP! This is Acceptable Use Law.

7) NUSSU
We pay money to NUSSU, for them to..... ... ... gee I don't know. Organize bazaars? (The U is for Union by the way, not Useless)

This list is inspired by many others on the Internet, as well as some dearest lecturers in NUS.
Always a WIP, so feel free to add on to it!

Proof by amnesia. Forget everything. Life is too short.

Proof by best effort. Try your damnest to prove something. After a sufficiently long process, write "I've tried my best => Q.E.D."

Proof by blatant assertion. Do lots of things "by inspection'', use the phrase "It is blatantly obvious that...''.

Proof by boredom invocation. Assume the personality and teaching style of a mouse. Make everyone lose their interest and the fight against sleep.

Proof by bovine excretion. Mix three or more proofs stated here.

Proof by coercion. Tell your students that every proof you demonstrate correctly will not be examinable. Watch them nod sagely even when you say 1+1 = 10000.

Proof by CIA. Say that its true because top level agents supplied you with intelligence, even if that intelligence happens to be a pile of dung.

Proof by concensus. If all your friends agree with it, then it's true.

Proof by convection. Use lots of hot air and hand waving. Works impressively in a large room.

Proof by conversion. If you get x = 4 and you need x = 100, simply convert the proof to binary. Works well for all other bases.

Proof by delegation. "This proof is left as an exercise."

Proof by denial. "I can't proof it, ergo the proof does not exist, ergo this theorem is wrong."

Proof by divine intervention. Somewhere in the middle of your proof a miracle occurs.

Proof by elimination. Drop the terms that are hindering you.

Proof by emergency. Whip out your lighter and set off the fire alarm. In the ensuing chaos, pretend you've finished the proof.

Proof by exasperation. If you stare at a partial, incorrect proof long enough, it slowly looks more and more like a complete, correct proof.

Proof by extrapolation. "1+1=2 ergo n*m = nm ergo Men are from mars ergo Tutte's theorem is true therefore Q.E.D."

Proof by hilarity. Tell a joke midway in the middle of your proof. After wiping tears from your eyes, follow up with Proof by amnesia by saying "Now moving on to our next objective of the day..."

Proof by HTTP. It's on the Internet hence it must be true.

Proof by hypnotism. Begin proof with "You are growing verrrry sleepy..."

Proof by illegibility. If no one can read it, how can it be wrong?

Proof by inebriation. Every time you write an equal sign, take a shot of beer. By the time you're done, the proof makes sense to you even if nobody else gets it.

Proof by interpolation. If you do two proofs and get two different answers and the answer that you want lies in between, just take the average.

Proof by intimidation. Write down something which is obviously wrong, then fiercely tell the students that those who don't agree will fail the course.

Proof by intuition. If it feels even remotely correct, then it must be.

Proof by litigation. Sue the student who challenges you (slander could work). You may not win the suit but you'll bankrupt the kid, thereby silencing all other students.

Proof by maximal economy. Use the easiest and shortest way to proof a theorem. Masters of this method find it easy to write one-line proofs (eg, => Q.E.D) . Detractors call it Proof by least effort.

Proof by misconception. "2 equals 3 for large values of 2." Once introduced, any conclusion is reachable.

Proof by mutual reference. "In reference A, Theorem 5 is said to follow from Theorem 3 in reference B, which is shown from Corollary 6.2 in reference C, which is an easy consequence of Theorem 5 in reference A."

Proof by obfuscation. Generously apply Greek letters, sequences, series, partial derivatives, complex numbers, lemmas. Distance your solution from the original problem as much as possible. Once your audience looks sufficiently perplexed, cancel everything, write => Q.E.D.'', and smile confidently.

Proof by observation of simplicity. Despite its complicated name, this method is easy to use and highly popular. To successfully quell the majority of dissenters, just liberally pepper your proof with the phrase "the next step is really simple actually". Also called Proof by invoking fear of appearing stupid.

Proof by parentheses-insertion. If you have 3 + 14 + 1 = 20 notice that adding parentheses will solve the problem: (3 + 1)(4+1) = 20

Proof by posturing. Prominently hang your various degrees around your neck while presenting your proof.

Proof by prediction. Write down what you want to prove, then predict that one day it will be proven. Whip out some Tarot cards to support your claim.

Proof by ridicule. When challenged, arrogantly call the person an egghead and go all out to tear his reputation into shreds.

Proof by redirection. Explain to your students that it's not really your area of focus. Encourage them to seek help on the forums.

Proof by religion. Describe your proof, tell your students they have to take it on faith.

Proof by religious opposition. "This theorem is against my religious principals."

Proof by reduction. At each step, ignore some detail of the original problem. Continue the reduction process until the original problem has been reduced to something trivial, at which point the proof is complete. BigO analysis is a classic example of proof by reduction, except you can just
drop all the terms and write O(0). Recommended for CS1102/ CS2104/ CS3215 students.

Proof by saturation/ exhaustion. Compile a 10-page proof on 1+1=2, and another one on why 2+2=4 and so on. Use those as lemmas in your proof so that its 6000 pages long.

Proof by seduction. "Whoever believes me gets an A+ for this module".

Proof by semantic shift. Change standard but inconvenient definitions for the statement of the result. Also called Proof by re-definition.

Proof by shock-and-awe. Present your complex, and wrong, proof in a frenzy, ensuring that no one catches it. This is the awe part. The shock part comes when you scream obscenities at the top of your lungs at that idiot who asks you to slow down.

Proof by suppression. Get security guards to sit in the LT, with instructions to remove students who speak. Proceed to ask for opinions after presenting a ridiculous proof.

Proof by transitivity. The power of this proof method is awesome, as demonstrated by the ridiculously logical example "Logic is better than nothing. Nothing is better than sex. Therefore, logic is better than sex."

Proof by truncation/timeout. Cleverly leave your proof until the end of class. When time is up and you have not yet finished the proof, announce "We'll continue this proof next class'' and then promptly forget about it. If ever reminded/ questioned in future lessons, revert to Proof by delegation.

Proof by wardrobe malfunction. Expose your mammaries for all to see and drive out all thoughts of boring proofs. Also called Proof by Janet.

Proof by wishful citation. Cite the negation, converse, or generalization of a theorem from literature to support your proof.

Exhibit 1
I hear it's expanding. Subsidiary is named Pee Later.

Exhibit 2
100% Homestay guaranteed with round-the-clock sneezes!

Credits to Ken!

Chinese New Year Eve

Mom and brother had school to go to. Dad and me left at home to clean up. Dusted top of cupboards, had battles with dust bunnies the size of my dog, and generally wrestled furniture to and fro while trying to get at the floor underneath. We do our mopping on our hands and knees, and while my lady tells me it's good exercise, it made the morning and early afternoon pure misery for me. Pretty Woman ran at least thrice on my laptop.

Late afternoon and early evening was taken up by reunion dinner preparations. The traditional steamboat preparations requires lots of slicing and dicing, but practically no cooking. Way cool.

Dinner was uneventful, marked by a brief tussle over the fan direction as well as the tv remote control. Won the fan direction tussle, on account of my brillant observation that any other direction will have the steam flying pell mell into somebody's face, thereby cooking it, which we want to avoid during a reunion dinner.

Watched more tv later at night, followed by an half-assed attempt to "shou3 shui4" (for the life of me I cannot imagine the English translation for this one. Usher in the Year?). Fell asleep a little after 1am. Too old for this stuff man...

Chinese New Year Day 1

Despite waking up early and presumably getting prepared earlier, Mom's temper still frayed around 11am, when foolhardy and gan cheong younger uncle called to rush us over.

Headed over to paternal grandfather's place first. Visitations here has been finetuned to an art. We arrive early, stay about 60 minutes, and hurry off before any other paternal relatives arrive. Relations have not improved over at least 5 years. Left a wee bit late this year, and almost met with one uncle with whom we have strained relations, to put it mildly. Mom stalked away in the other direction. That'll show him hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, even during Chinese New Year.

Headed over to maternal grandmother's place next. Thanked my lucky stars that it is a focal point for nearly all my maternal relatives, so that there's no need for 1,000,001 other visitations. Cursed bitterly at the weather. Vegged out at gram's place for the rest of the day, which was marked by intermittent visits from relatives, including those I meet once a year. My 2 year old niece was there to attract all attention, such that I am only asked once why my lady is not with me (I mean seriously. She has 6 places of her own to visit.) and why for the love of the fertility god I'm still single. Hah! Piece of cake.

Dinner was a minor fiasco. Good-for-nothing uncle showed up half-drunk and reeking of cigarettes and alcohol. Tried to shove food onto everyone's plate. I took 1 slice of tomato and ended up with 4. He must think I'm a demented rabbit. Grams came close to tears at his inebriated state, and my cousin Chelsea was almost baring her pretty teeth at him after being insulted at least thrice. The room was small enough such that others have to get up for those on the inside to move out. My brother refused to move out of the way, thereby trapping two cousins and me into sitting there twitching uncomfortably. Atmosphere was so volatile, you'd think we had Hans Blix over for dinner and were hiding WMDs under the table.

Returned home just in time to catch American Idol 4. Pretty standard stuff by now. The judges have to resort to losing their tempers to up ratings. Seriously. Methinks Paula needs to have a wardrobe malfunction. Randy and Simon can keep their clothes and pants on thank you very much.

Chinese New Year Day 2

My lady came over around 11. Suffering from some throat and nose problems. My dog, who usually barks at all and sundry who appears at the front door (excluding the four of us) took to her immediately once again. It really boggles the mind (This is not an insult, because I happen to be hen-pecked as well). I've had friends who come over frequently and still receive the royal treatment, from full-fletched "I'm-gonna-rip-your-kidneys-out" barks to guttural "stay-away-from-me-if-you-know-what's-good-for-you" growls. Nearly skewered by my mother because my lady's mom packed too big a goodie bag (how is that my fault you ask? Good question... the female's neural network is a mystery to us all). Nonetheless, she rallied well enough to return the favour, amidst killer glares which I valiantly ignored.

Drove over to my lady's place. Fixed her bro's mp3 player by banging hard on the USB connection. I think Roy's disappointed that he won't receive a new one. Had lunch there, and saw all manners of duck parts, including a humongous drumstick. Had a good laugh about how barbaric one looked eating it (guess who?). Let's see those SMU people handle it with their highbrow etiquette... Love her place, which is at the 11th storey and therefore extremely breezy. The only natural breeze at my place occurs when somebody farts or sneezes.

Went out to TM and caught Constantine. I can't believe she was willing to catch it with me and am foolishly touched. Haven't watched a supernatural thriller in eons. The last one was Dawn of the Dead, which I loved but my mates hated. The plebians. Enjoyed Constantine a lot. Gabriel was a riot- demented archangel who cannot decide whether to be a male or a female. I bet he/she/it gets lots of dates. The poor dear.

Bling bling was well received, and I got a swanky pair of cuff links which will justify some shirts from either Raoul or Zara. Somebody stop me before I have cause to liquidate what little assets I own.

Chinese New Year Day 3

Snore... ... ... Caught up on much needed sleep. Vegged out in front of laptop, listening to some crazed man rambling about protein synthesis, DNA, all manners of RNA from A-Z (actually there's only mRNA, tRNA and rRNA, in case you think I'm a brainless hick and am tempted to call me Cap'n Insipid). As stimulating as a funfair ride designed for an eighty year old with heart problems. Glad that I did not go into Biology and thereby self-destruct.

Chinese New Year Day 4

Caught up with primary school mates for a visitation to our Chinese teacher's place. Realized I forgot to bring along mandarin oranges and had to hop to Junction 8's NTUC to get 4. Felt silly. Crowded and rowdy reunion. We ate enough tidbits to resupply one mama store for tomorrow. Hopped over to Coffeebean @ Suntec to play catch-up with some of them. Shylene managed to avoid paying for drinks despite warning us not to be late, saying that those who are late will buy high class coffee all around (I have retained the evidence, Ms. Shylene, but may be bribed to lose it), AND being 15 minutes late. Grrrr. Needless to say, she got needled endlessly today. We then went to Moonfish Pasta and Seafood at Millenia Walk. Love their spaghetti carbonara. Never tasted better elsewhere.

Visited Raoul but no concrete plans to invest in any shirts as yet. Yes. Invest. At those prices and my kind of wallet, "buy" doesn't seem to carry sufficient import. Spotted gorgeous ones though.

Returned home to veg out in front of laptop, and started blogging instead of studying. I'm oh so screwed. Irritated because even now, the bloody idiots upstairs are singing, no, yelling, no, croaking, no, screeching karaoke. These inconsiderate, untalented, shameless retards ought to be visited by the friendly neighbourhood police...

Today is a day of intense and sustained introspection, for I have been accused of using my blog to launch a trashy (and also rubbishy, though in all honesty I can't tell the difference) diatribe against the now infamous Jamie Han. This delicate accusation has caused me to devote an entire ten minutes to serious rumination, from which I have emerged with an undeniable conclusion that I shall now proceed to pontificate upon.

And that which I shall pontificate upon is thus: (are you ready for this?)

1) I simply abhor anonymous comments and am severely irked by Blogger's inability of allowing commenters proper fields in which to leave their names. It invokes an unpleasant feeling that somebody has walked over my grave, after extinguishing my brief existence in a hit-and-run accident.

2) It also profoundly disturbs me that some of my readers do not possess any sense of humor whatsoever, and it therefore behoofs me to clearly elucidate when and wherefore I am being facetious, as well as when and wherefore I am being solemn. [begin facetiousness] While this will pose considerable damage to my cleverly timed punchlines, it is nonetheless of utmost necessity, lest I find myself at the sharp end of an anonymous blade. [end facetiousness]

[begin solemnity] In addition, even though the previous post was written half in jest, I will nonetheless, out of sheer goodwill and generosity, undertake the seemingly indomitable task of expanding on it in utter seriousness.

Firstly, allow me to state the way in which I am accustomed to presenting arguments and views, in occasions when I wish to taken seriously, rather then an uninformed hick who cannot tell the different between intrepidity and insipidity. It would seem appropriate here to caution that I do not advocate my style as "The Style", merely that it is one to which I am accustomed.

I will usually (as opposed to unusally, which is how this particular entry was written, not because I do not want to be taken seriously, but because it's day 2 of the Rooster year, and I should be given some slack, damnit) state my main thesis up front, together with the key supporting articles of evidence which support my thesis. Thereafter, I will usually spend some time examining the construct of each article of evidence, and expound on how they work together as a coherent whole, before elaborating on the articles of evidence proper. If I apply this to what was introduced by Mr. Han:

"
[...]

You were talking of general principles in history of looking at the past, and you said that in Singapore, one of the general principles is unity. I do not disagree with you that in this multi-racial society we need unity, but what I am against is... Are you fetishising unity at the cost of plurality? You said that, maybe it is not part of our culture that we need consensus building and stuff like that, but as the sociologists would tell you, culture is always being made. So...

I'm not questioning your decisions in the past, I'm sure at those times, there was a need for consensus and stability. But I think we have come to the stage where stability is already here and that, in order to progress, the minority viewpoints have to be heard. And I'm not saying that the People's Action Party is corrupt or anything now.

The truth of the matter is this: No matter how enlightened a despot is, ultimately, he'll turn into a tyrant if there are no checks and balances in place.

[...]

we all know that in reality these channels are either directly or indirectly controlled by the government."

What is gleaned follows:

(a) I am questioning your decisions NOW (as juxtaposed by the usage of "in the past")
(b) There is no need for consensus and stability now (as juxtaposed by the usage of past tense)
(c) PAP is not corrupt but stability has become of less or no importance, and minority viewpoints have to be heard, in channels not controlled at all by the government
(d) I conceivably think you are a despot and the people need measures to protect us from you.
(e) I do not think you are a despot, but am simply making a generalization which may or may not apply to you.
(f) I think you are using unity as an excuse to exercise your authority

(e) is clearly a supporting statement, and therefore cannot be the main point Mr. Han was attempting to make. (In my opinion, if (e) possibly applies to nothing, then it is useless. A statement should be meant to apply to something, rather than waffling around.) (a), (b), (d), (f) are shaky at best, simply because Mr. Han does not come straight out and say it, and all of us know that saying that one is not claiming the negation of a statement does not give the statement itself uch credibility. "I am not questioning your decisions in the past" is not analogous to "I am questioning your decisions now", because the statement "I am not questioning your decisions at all" can be equally true. I am therefore forced to accept that (c) is his main thesis.

On further examination of the exchange:

"I just wanted to say: One, that you are using the fear of the past in order to prevent progress; and second, you are picking examples of countries which suit your argument but I can raise a dozen others to counter with you."

This impressively concrete exchange throws out even more possible main arguments. Unfortunately, they do not particularly stick together with the formal thesis that was established, and therefore drives this writer into a tizzy. Mr. Han's points has now expanded to include:

(a) PAP is not corrupt but stability has become of less or no importance, and minority viewpoints have to be heard, in channels not controlled at all by the government
(b) MM Lee is impeding progress by invoking "fear of the past" in citizens
(c) MM Lee carefully selects examples to support his argument

With these, Mr. Han must now support his claims that:
a) Show that stability is not of paramount importance to the country's progress
b) Show that minority viewpoints are not being taken into consideration
c) Show that government control has stifled or ignored minority viewpoints in feedback channels
possibly d) further explain his statement on despotism, and how it should be applied to the situation here
e) "Fear of the past" always impedes progress
f) MM Lee has taken concrete actions to invoke fear of the past in citizens, thereby causing them to act in a manner which they otherwise will not have.
g) There are substantial significant and applicable counter-examples that have proven contrary to MM Lee's viewpoints
possibly h) Show that there is a valid and tested model in implementing minority viewpoint without leading to tyranny of the minority.

These points are not productive by themselves because philosophical and practical issues remain to be debated. They will merely serve to support Mr. Han's thesis. Brief exchange as it was, it is a tall order to back up the claims that Mr. Han has made. In not doing so, his claims are paper thin and no better than fiction (to this writer anyway). Perhaps his mini-speech would have been less sensationalist if he merely narrowed the scope of his viewpoints, on account of the limited time available.

Many supporters of Mr. Han have applauded his derringdo in a country of apathetic youths. I do not applaud outspokenness that serves no purpose and is not backed by reason, no matter how novel, unique, daring, eloquent and rare it is. Break the norms by all means, if something is wrong and needs to be fixed or improved upon, not simply because it is novel to do so. I would not like to think that these people will similarly applaud Dr. Chee Soon Juan. Let us not forget that outspokenness is distinct from quality of ideas. It is not enough to possess the former without the latter, and the loud will not inherit the earth based on volume alone. Perhaps these supporters have in mind the vociferous political state of Tai- ahem- wan, as well as the flash mobs and mass demonstrations. Given free reign, outspokenness and derringdo, in the absence of reason and logic, can well degenerate into a farce. [end solemnity]

[begin facetiousness] In case anonymous readers are going to viciously and foolishly assault me in writing for being pedantic, prosaic, stupid, long-winded et cetera ad infinitum, I shall offer advance warning that comments to this post will be monitored and moderated. Detractors are going to have to flame me elsewhere- I did not pay money to be told that I suck, stink, am a shithead, should drop dead, am the pus in the pimple on the backside of humanity, should stop blogging, should have my domain hacked et cetera ad infinitum. I am the Lee- I mean law here, and only fawning comments will be allowed for this one. [end facetiousness] <- this is a pain, I swear

(mirella-dance.com)

Happy Lunar New Year to one and all, and may the year of the Rooster be prosperous for you. Why prosperous? Why not healthy, happy or safe? I can't help it. I'm Chinese. Whether it's the year of the Rooster, Horse, Snake, Dragon, Rabbit or Zebra, the new year should always be prosperous. So there.

3 things to do during the first day of the year of the Rooster:

1) Revisit the Subservient Chicken, complete with the list of actions so far!
The Chicken might be old news to some, but it may still have some tricks up its sleeves! For those poor sods who've never played with this coc - erm rooster, before, don't peek at the list first, and try to be creative and even downright vulgar.

2) Play Rooster's Four Blessings Mahjong·
Chicken's Blessing 1: Scoreless hands, also known as 鸡胡 (ji hu, chicken game), gets the same weight as 大四喜 (the four blessings).
Chicken's Blessing 2: The Rooster tile gives your two 翻, or doubles.
Chicken's Blessing 3: The Rooster tile matched with the Centipede tile nets you four 翻.
Chicken's Blessing 4: For every wind, Players born in the year of the Rooster gains 1 immunity option from all normal discards and high risk discards. Making other player's games will result in the same amount of payment from all for all manners of discards. Booya!

3) Feast of Roosters, or 鸡汉全席!
After losing 100 rounds straight at Mahjong to the rooster player, plot your revenge and cook up 101 dishes of chicken, thereby driving roosters into eternal extinction.

Have a good one!

Singleton (n) - Comp. Sc. def.
A class which only allows a single instance of itself to be created, and usually gives simple access to that instance.

Singleton, State of (n, compound) - Cap'n Intrepid def.
A state in life where you are constantly reminded of your singlehood, and subsequently pressured, teased, shoved, bullied, guilt-tripped or shanghaied into leaving this state and getting married. This state causes self-doubt, derision, alienation, humiliation and sometimes downright belligerence. This state also afflicts those who are romantically attached but with no definite plans of marriage.

----------------

It's that time of the year again. This year, that statement takes on extra significance. For people who currently are in a state of singleton, Valentine's Day falls on the sixth day of the Lunar New Year. It's significance to Singletons is obvious when you consider the fact that after being publicly ridiculed by well-meaning but tactless relatives, one's entire system is again assailed by countless sightings of shameless couples snogging in lifts, buses, cinemas, malls, parks, beaches, gyms, swimming pools, beds, schools, cars, cabs, advertisements, on elevators, tv, newspapers, planes, trains, ships, bikes, fighter jets and what else have you. It's a topic that has been flogged (or blogged, as it were) year after year, but one that is insidious enough to resurrect itself with a tenacity even Count Dracula would admire.

Lunar New Year Day 1

An aunt you see once a year: Aiyoooohhhh! Boy boy gloaw so biigggg olreadi! (You've stopped growing since puberty 1/2 decade ago). Sooo hansome! Sure got a lot of za bor peng you (read: girl friend) hor? (Pinches your cheeks and tugs. Hard. And harder. Even Harder)

Singleton: No, no auntie. Only one. (Forcibly shoves mandarin oranges to her, so as to occupy her Weapons of Mass Destruction, or hands.)

Aunt: Sure or not? Dun shy shy lah! So yan dao (read: handsome) sure got a lot one. She work where one? How come neber come today? (Tries to pat your body all over, forgetting the oranges are in her hands.)

Singleton: Really lah, auntie! Only one. She's working in Bloomberg.

Aunt: Huh? Bluebird ah? What is that huh? Chicken lice is it huh?

Singleton: No no. Bloomberg. It's a financial news company that specializes in terminals that... (blank, glazed look from aunt) Ya lah auntie! You so smart! She sells chicken rice! I brought some for you. It's in the kitchen... come come!

Aunt: When will you bai xi jiu (read: hold wedding banquet) ah? Your glrandmarther wants a glreatglandson you know! Ha ha ha ha ha! (Slaps you on the back in an attempt to get orange squash over your new and expensive Armani tee).

Singleton: No lah! Ha ha! Not yet not yet. I'm still too young really. Only 23 you know?

Aunt: Twenny tree?! (Utter and total shock.) Last time ah, I olreadi have two chilren at twenny tree you know? Twenny tree is not young! Old olreadi! When your son is twenny tree, you will be sixxy years old!

Singleton: No lah! Not sixty! 23 and 23 is only 46. Still young. Ha ha... (Feeble attempt to slink away. Fails)

Aunt: Forty six and sixxy four! All the same one! Boy, don't wait olreadi! Where is she? Bring her come here, I help you see! Ah, go, go. Go and call your za bor peng you. Auntie help you check her buttocks. See if she can give you sons.

Singleton: (cough cough cough) No need auntie. Thank you but really, no need. She's at her own grandma's place. She's not free today.

Aunt: (crestfallen at missing a chance to perform a hip inspection) Like dat ah. Ok lor. Nebermind. Next year huh. Must lemember ah! I dun wan to keep giving you ang bao (read: red packet) every year!

Singleton: Urrrr... Hey! See! Isn't that cousin XXX? He's 28 and still single!

Aunt: Twenny ate?! How come like dat?

... and off she goes to disturb another singleton cousin, who'll likely sever all ties with you for doing him/ her the good deed.

I believe all Chinese will have experienced at least one such incident or its variant, regardless of age, gender or social class. If anything, this proves that Chinese values are intricately founded on fertility and the ever annoying concept of "go forth and multiply!". Nothing is said of love. Don't believe me? Try telling your relatives that you deeply love a woman but have no plans to get married yet. They'll give you weird looks and mutter "xiao liao" (read: gone crazy). Mention that you're getting married to a woman you've known for three days, and they will immediately demand to check her hips, or stomach, in case you've already gone forth and multiplied.

Let's also not forget the pressure that arrives in the form of a red letter, an invitation to a peer's wedding banquet. While it is definitely more silent, its shock factor is definitely comparable to Harry Potter's screaming letters. It snidely informs you that one more of your comrades in singleton state has fallen and is going to tie the knot. It is invariably followed up with wedding photos, pregancy photos, baby photos, family photos and countless replays of sappy romantic songs. It is the precursor of an exclusive club of which membership is out of bounds to you unless you, heaven forbid, follow in their shoes.

What to do? On one hand, the life of the eternal bachelorhood beckons you with its promises of freedom- both financial, emotional and psychological. On the other, pressure is all around you, in the form of peers, family members, relatives, and the government (who is willing to adopt a five day work week in exchange for 2.1 babies per university educated family, thank you very much). One party will scoff at marital bliss and inform you that it's not all it's cracked up to be. Another party will scoff at bachelorhood and ask you to name one thing that beats their little bundle of joy. Bummer.

In times like this, it's best to retreat to your own fortress of solitude, and examine your own feelings on the subject (Guys do that too, so you can wipe that smirk off your smug face). Don't rush into anything simply because you're provoked by relatives and friends. It's not fair to the other party, and to yourself. So what if your aunts and uncles prod you and tell you your sperm count is dwindling? So what if your red packet money shrinks year after year in an oh-so-subtle hint? So what if another screamer in your mail box makes you want to go apeshit and run down Orchard Road kicking all puppies in sight? We'll endure everything for our one true love right? Right?

I can't hear you. Right??

With that, I face the daunting task of meeting pinching aunts again. Valentine's? That's another tale for another time...

Life! featured the prodigal grandsons of Chiang Ching-guo - Chiang Yo-po (蔣友柏) and Chiang Yo-chang (蔣友常). Apparently, they're Taiwan's (who'd have you think Asia's) answer to Britain's Prince William and Prince Harry. Instead of toting Nazi armbands, they model self-designed scarves instead. Cute. Needless to say, tabloids have it that they get mobbed by sex crazed women on the streets, after flaunting their assets (scarves okay?!) in print. So naturally they get to complain to the press and land themselves a second page article which poor sods like me have to read because there's only one sorry english daily. Right. That's very fair. I'm sure there's a good reason why I can't model scarves, land on a news article and get mobbed by female admirers. Like Clarke Kent's father once uttered, one's reason on Earth is not to score touchdowns. Do I sound bitter? I'm not bitter. Really.

I have no idea why but I simply loathe Mourinho. This is definitely odd, because I'm not even a fan of the sport. A bunch of men chasing a ball with an identity crisis (And let's not forget a poor fashion sense. Black and white? That's so last last last season.) around a field? A gadzillion soaking bodies pressed together to watch said ball roll around and try to slam itself into a goal 100 times its size? Not exactly my concept of fun. As for my displeasure at Arrogant Mourinho, well, a pic says a thousand words.

I need therapy. Yes.

No, it's not exactly the Great Vowel Shift, but I finally laid my livejournal to eternal rest. It was a major pain in the neck, but it had to be done. The old layout was ugly as my great-grandmother's glutimus maximus. Plus I had this domain which basically was just sitting there waiting for hackers to hack into.

Another bout of major spring cleaning today. I fear my nose will never recover from the trauma. I swear the dust bunnies have upgraded their weaponry and are now armed with a lethal arsenal of toxins specially designed to send my olfactory secretory cells into a pile of convulsing goo. Not pretty I assure you.

There's a big brouhaha in the papers regarding this restaurant called Brazil Churrascaria. Apparently, there are many irate customers yelling that they have been discriminated against. There was yet another complaint in the papers today. How disgusting. While some may be tempted to give the restaurant the benefit of the doubt, I hardly think there can be smoke without fire. Policy schmazy. Discrimination need not be spelt out in the mission statement, and hardly ever is. Did the idiot manager still think he could have got away with official policies similar to Jim Crow laws? Surely not. There are however, more subtle ways of discrimination, and those are the kickers.


------------------------

Article 1: (Straits Times)

Jan 29, 2005 Expats welcome, no reservation required
MY FRIEND and I decided to dine at Brazil Churrascaria on a Friday a fortnight ago. I was early for the appointment and, at the entrance, I was told by the lead waiter that the restaurant was fully booked and it would be impossible for me to get a table. He handed me a name card and advised me to call to reserve a table the next time. I was told they did not have a waiting list. I walked away, cursing myself for not making a reservation and looked around for an alternative.

However, my friend, an expatriate, went to the restaurant and was ushered immediately to a table. When he called me on my mobile phone to tell me he got us a table, I was shocked. The lead waiter recognised me when I returned to the restaurant. I demanded to know why expatriates were given preferential treatment and he shrugged his shoulders. I told him I would get to the bottom of the matter. Later he came to apologise but the damage had been done.

Is it a common practice for a restaurant to choose its customers based on their race? To me, it looked like the restaurant was practising a modern-day caste system. Never in my wildest nightmare could I imagine I would be a victim of discrimination in my own homeland. This is because we pride ourselves as a society which treats people of all races, languages and religions equally.I decided I would never patronise such a restaurant again, no matter how good the food might be.

Long Tien Kian

------------------------


Article 2: (Straits Times again... one of these days I'll get myself sued for infringement)

Jan 30, 2005 Sixth Avenue eatery denies favouring Westerners over locals
By Tracy Quek

SORRY, we're fully booked, the head waiter told him. Disappointed, 37-year-old Mr Long Tien Kian left the Brazil Churrascaria restaurant in Sixth Avenue, kicking himself for not having made a reservation. But less than three minutes later, he said, his dining companion, 40-year-old Dutchman Heinze Elzinga, arrived separately at the restaurant and was immediately shown to a table.Outraged that the restaurant had apparently given preferential treatment to an expatriate, the business manager wrote to The Straits Times' Forum page about his experience and his letter was published yesterday.

'To me, it looked like the restaurant was practising a modern-day caste system,' wrote Mr Long, who was at the restaurant on Jan 7.

When contacted yesterday, restaurant chairman David Gabriel, 60, who said he was not there that night, denied there was a policy favouring Westerners over locals.He claims Mr Long's friend arrived 10 minutes later and that during that time there had been a last-minute cancellation.He said: 'There was a cancellation and the customer who happened to be there at the right time was shown in. 'We have never, and never will, discriminate against locals. Why should we? More than half of our customers are Singaporeans.'

Mr Long told The Sunday Times that he doesn't buy the restaurant's explanation.'My friend arrived less than three minutes after I left. It's hard to believe that within that time, there was a cancellation,' said Mr Long.He had eaten at the restaurant, which offers different types of meat grilled on skewers, once before with his wife.Despite his annoyance, he and Mr Elzinga, his former boss, stayed for dinner because he wanted the Dutchman to try the food. Said Mr Long: 'But now, I don't think I want to go back.'

Already the incident has be come a hot topic on the Internet.On websites such as sammy boy.com and hardwarezone.com, netizens posted angry, and often unpublishable, comments.'For any restaurant or store that has such practice... all of us will boycott the place till it closes down,' said one sammyboy.com user. 'Hit them where it hurts.'

[...]

---------------------

In the balls perhaps??

Was catching up on the news. Don't believe this Jamie fellow. He's either a) dumb b) nuts c) very very very brave (but prolly still dumb) d) pissed drunk.

Honestly, I can't tell if he's deliberately looking for fame or just being himself. He could have couched his "argument" more politely... He didn't exactly label MM Lee as a despot outright, but the implications are crystal clear. I mean, there's a fine line between airing your views and farting, even though both can be defined "an expulsion of hot air". Don't tell me he's being rhetorical. I hardly think he'd suddenly switch from concrete issues to rhetoric and abstract notions in a few blinks of an eye. If he was exhibiting his "thinking on the fly" skills, then I'd hate to ever see him in a brainless, catatonic state.

Too many history lessons. Entirely too free. No labs, too few projects, tutorials all talk, talk, talk, no action. Otherwise must have just read Plato's Republic and can't wait to show off. Don't rouse the "enlightened despot" to call "a friend", not to help dear Jamie set up a website, but to help him "ta bao" some of his HONOURS modules...

[This post is continued here.]

-------------

Exchange:

Stability doesn't come easy

Student: My name is Jamie Han, history honours student.

I'm not questioning your decisions in the past, I'm sure at those
times, there was a need for consensus and stability. But I think we
have come to the stage where stability is already here and that, in
order to progress, the minority viewpoints have to be heard.

And I'm not saying that the People's Action Party is corrupt or
anything now.

The truth of the matter is this: No matter how enlightened a despot
is, ultimately, he'll turn into a tyrant if there are no checks and
balances in place.

MM Lee: There's nothing to prevent you from advocating that, pushing
that strenuously and finally getting a political party to adopt your
platform, and we will put it to the vote. That's the democratic way
of doing it.

I would beg to express my reservation that we have established unity
and therefore all is well. You do not, maybe you do not realise how
sensitive and how fragile some of this apparent unity could be...

(MM Lee talks about the 1964 race riots, the Jemaah Islamiah plot to
blow up seven bombs in Singapore around 2001 which was disrupted,
making the point that fault lines exist in Singapore society.)

Please do not assume that what you see as stability is something we
can take for granted. It has to be worked for, looked after,
nurtured and any incipient problem nipped in the bud...

Student: With all due respect, sir, I just wanted to say: One, that
you are using the fear of the past in order to prevent progress; and
second, you are picking examples of countries which suit your
argument but I can raise a dozen others to counter with you.

But this is not a philosophical discussion, so thank you for your
time.

-------------

Straits Times Article:

THE KENT RIDGE MINISTERIAL FORUM: How to rein in a 'despot'? Form a
party
If you have different views, go into politics and air your ideas, MM
Lee tells young

A STUDENT argued for less government control and remarked that even
the 'most enlightened despot' could turn into a tyrant if his powers
were left unchecked.

The comment led Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew to throw this gauntlet
down to the young: If they believe they have a better point of view
to 'stake' their lives, organise, form a political party and win
people over.

'There is nothing to prevent you from pushing your propaganda, to
push your programme out either to the students or with the public at
large... and if you can carry the ground, if you are right, you win.
That's democracy. We're not preventing anybody,' he said.

The exchange took place last night during a question-and-answer
session he had with university students at the Kent Ridge
Ministerial Forum held at the NUS University Cultural Centre.

NUS history student Jamie Han had asked for the Internal Security
Act and newspaper laws to be reviewed. This was when he made his
comment on despots.

Furthermore, he said, channels to offer different views 'were either
directly or indirectly controlled by the Government'.

Mr Lee first asked him if he had written to the newspapers, such as
The Straits Times Forum page.

Yes, he replied. But only one letter was published.

Why not start a publication then, asked MM Lee.

The laws made it 'very difficult', the student said.

No, he could register it, said Mr Lee.

Mr Han was not persuaded.

To laughter, Mr Lee replied: 'Well, you have the Internet - put up a
website. You know how to put up a website? If you don't, I know a
friend who can help you.'

He returned to the point about 'despots' only later, in reply to
another question.

This time, another student asked about the coming General Election.

Mr Lee said the election did not have to be held until 2007 and
between now and then, it was unlikely any group could form a team
that can declare it will do better than the current Government. All
it could offer was to be a 'different voice'.

He asked: 'Those of you who really feel strongly that you got a
better point of view, I say organise yourself - as I did. I took my
life in my hands and said I stand for this.'

He recalled how when he met the Plen, or Fang Chuan Pi, in Beijing
in 1992, the communist leader had told him that he had saved his
life when he could have ordered him killed for taking on the
communists in the 1950s.

Said Mr Lee: 'I said 'Thank you'. He could have shot me. But I told
him, 'You are not a fool and you knew that if you had assassinated
me, your organisation would have been crushed because I was not
unpopular.'

'Had I been unpopular, then you have got rid of despot... but I was
no despot. That generation knew that I fought for them.'

At this point, Mr Lee asked the student who prompted the response:
How old was his father?

'50-plus,' said the student.

MM Lee said: 'If he's 50 plus, then he will remember. You don't put
your life at risk in calling me a despot. Well, in order to have
your views heard, if you profoundly believe that you have that
passion, I say stake your life, take on with your duties, come out,
put your programme, sort it out.'

He said too that the current leadership had proven its mettle,
having seen the country through the Asian financial crisis in 1997
and the Sars outbreak in 2003.

Its team of 'resourceful and quick-witted, well-organised' leaders
had responded to these problems methodically and systematically.

'If you believe that a vociferous opposition with good ideas would
have responded in that way, you are wrong,' he said.

He added that the People's Action Party had remained in power by
delivering results and getting good people to be with the party.

'That's how we stay in office, not by monopolising... but by co-
opting, incorporating and moving forward. So my message to you is a
simple one. Remember how we got here. And before you make
fundamental changes, make sure that your alternative is viable.

'This is not an ordinary country. You have two election terms of a
dud, lousy, incompetent government and you will set Singapore back
so badly, it may take you decades to recover, and maybe never. If
you dismantle the organisation that brought us here, don't believe
it will come back.'

At a certain local jewellery store.

Salesperson (S): May I help you? (Mega watt smile)
T-shirt, jeans, leather tote bag. I peg him for a $400 sale.

WJ: I'm just browsing along. Thank you.
Buzz off.

1 minute later

WJ: May I have a look at this?
No way I'm buying it. I just want to see it lose its sparkle from under the glaring display lamp.

S: Of course.(1 watt smile)
Only $159?! What a loser... I pity his girlfriend.

WJ: Hm. How heavy is this?
Why do you jewellers always split diamonds into innie minnie ones...

S: It's a 16 pointer, sir. (Smiles prettily)
What'd you expect?! The Hope Diamond?! Why don't you head upstairs to Hallmark. I think that's more your style: cheap.

WJ: Ah.
16 pointer split into three diamonds instead of one big one. Sharks.

S: What's your budget, Sir? Below $xxx+1? (<- some privacy here okay?!)
No good tight-fisted cheapskate. That won't even earn me enough commission to buy toothpaste.

WJ: Yup. (Grins sheepishly)
No way you're going to hoist that $1000 monstrosity on me lady. Back off or I'll sic the cops on you.

S: Can I recommend this? It's in a similar style, but the stones are slightly bigger. It's currently on sale, so it's a real big bargain!
Take it quick. No one wants it anymore. We have to sell it cheap to get it off our hands... Hey, "cheap"! Guess what? That's you!

WJ: Wow, nice. How heavy is this?
Small is good right?! Why aren't you showing me smaller ones?!

S: It's a 20 pointer, Sir. A good deal for $xxx.
Will you have to close down your bank account I wonder.

WJ: Ahh. I see. (Grins appreciatively)
$xxx?! Look lady, I said below $xxx+1. Did you have to give me something priced at the highest upper limit possible?!

S: You can compare these two, Sir. See the difference? I'd really recommend the second one.
C'mon c'mon! it's only a small difference! Get on with it! I have bigger fish to catch!

WJ: You really think this one's better?
Sure you would... Shark. Pirate. Robber.

S: Why don't you take some time to consider it Sir?
You're getting in my way - I just lost a five digit sale to my rival. Damn it. I really wanted that $20,000 bracelet. I KNEW I should have dumped this loser the moment he walked in.

WJ: Um... (Looks into display set some more.)
What? What? You think I can't afford this? You @#$@#!

S: This is our last piece though, so you should make up your mind quick. (Smiles warmly)
... and then close down your bank account and file for bankruptcy, low-rater. I swear I'll sue you for losses in revenue if you don't haul your butt out.

WJ: Alright, alright. You've managed to persuade me. I'll take this.
Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

S: Will that be Credit card, Nets or cash Sir? (Smiles again)
FINALLY!!! Credit card - AS IF! ptttbbbbfffff!!!

WJ: Nets please.
I hate buying diamonds. Too bad they look so pretty for her...