All the hype over the movie "300" made me eager to watch it. The premise of 300 men holding off hordes of invaders sounded interesting, and the CGI is reportedly gorgeous. "Prepare for Glory", its poster proclaims. Right. The movie is a series of battle sequences patched together, with barely a plot and even less character development. Even then, the action loses its oomph by the second hour.

After almost 2 hours of tedium and eye-rolling, I can conclude that:

1) Asiatics, blacks, transsexuals, homosexuals, mutants or generally ugly people are enemies of freedom. White men fight for freedom.



2) The people of Sparta fight for freedom. They also kill unhealthy newborns. For freedom!!!



3) Real men don't need shirts, real warriors don't need armor. Digitally enhanced pecs and abs are all the protection you need from elements and steel.



4) Blood only appear in air and evaporate long before they can fall to the ground. You also bleed more when you lose an arm than when you get decapitated. No kidding.

5) Slow motion is a great trick which turns your enemies stunned and stupid. (Note to self: try out slow motion speaking during next Tuesday's progress meeting. If this worked on Xerxes, it'll work on my bosses as well. I bet they'll be stunned. Ha!)



6) When in slow motion, it is perfectly fine to fling your weapon at an enemy and fight unarmed. You get a +200 bonus to unarmed combat, tumble, dodge, AC and reflex saves while you are unarmed. You will naturally regain your weapon after laying waste to heavily armed (but stunned and stupid) enemies.

7) An epic movie requires corny catchphrases. Preferably one every 5 minutes.

8) Failing point (7), have the half-naked warriors perform manly grunts. Audience will be suitably impressed. Ah-ooooh!



9) If you're going to a war, story-telling is an invaluable skill. Once you are injured, you will be picked to return home to tell everyone what happened. Considering your skimpy loin cloth and cape, that should be child's play.



10) It is hip to soak an entire movie in a sepia tint. Sepia is the new vivid. For an additional visual treat, try grayish hues. The fanboys watching the show will mentally fill in the colors they imagine on the fly and call the movie a visual spectacle. The rest of the audience can easily be persuaded that sepia is gorgeous.

"In A*STAR, 70 percent of our scholars are HDB kids, these kids are the ones we're spending a lot of money on. If they don't have a sense of value, Singapore has no future. If people don't have a sense of value, they're worse than mercenaries.

"My generation has a value system. We hope the present generation does too. People who don't have that, we better forget them and hire more hungry non-Singaporeans to come here and add to our value system. If you have no value system, there is no future.

"I'm known to be very tough because I believe we must have a value system. Maybe I'm old fashioned." - P. Yeo, Mar 07

From 6 to 18 years old, the average Singapore kid spends approximately 8 hours in a government school. That's about 1/3 of their formative years. If the youth is a male, he will then spend the next 2 years in National Service. If Mr. Yeo believes they do not possess a value system, then it can (should?) also be inferred that the government lacks the ability to inculcate one. At least, one that he deems worthy.

Mr. Yeo is no stranger to sweeping statements (bachelor grads as test tube washers, whiny post-NS males) but this latest salvo hints at what many perceive to be the growing divide between state and citizen. It is easy to talk of value systems and not define it. It is easy to qualify that the older generation had it, easy to slyly insinuate that younger generation is clueless about it. It is easy to employ buzzwords in bombastic rhetoric, when your target audience is too engrossed with the challenges of daily life to decipher the barbs.

The government should hire all the foreign expertise it wants, to punch over its weight and to compensate for this alleged lack in value systems. However, it should also remember that a government ultimately works with its people, not around them. Forget that, and the government will have no future.

As an aside, some people are 'tough' because of the values they hold. Others are perceived to be tough because of their histrionics. Yet others are labeled 'tough' because the true adjective is too rude to be uttered in public. One is never too old-fashioned to know the difference.

Remember those tricky primary school MCQs that wanted to know which was heavier, 1 kg of feathers or 1 kg of rocks? Here's another toughie you can spot from UOB's rewards redemption website:



Go on and laugh. You know you want to..